AckAcketology

With the clock running out, local Operatives are consumed with March Madness. That all-consuming madness, of course, is not for the Consolidated Election next Tuesday -- which none of the voters know about, and even fewer will be voting in.

No, Operatives are consumed over their brackets.  They have to predict which city will host the Lake County GOP Gun Raffle & Picnic this year.

Every year the Lake County Republican Party throws a fundraiser, giving away assault weapons as raffle prizes.  Where will the GOP Gun Raffle be this year?

Your LakeCountyEye is betting it will be Deerfield:

Judge throws out Deerfield's assault weapons ban

Next up for bracketologists: What kind of assault weapon will the Lake County GOP be raffling off? AR-15? AK-47? Uzi? MAC-11? Or a Bracket Buster?

Let's Talk Politics, Saturday, Buffalo Grove

Tenth Dems and Vernon Dems Host Let's Talk PoliticsDiscussion in Buffalo Grove

The Tenth Congressional District Democrats and the Vernon Township Democrats are holding "Let's Talk Politics" in Buffalo Grove, on Saturday, March 30, 2019, at 9:30 AM, at The Buffalo Restaurant, 1180 Lake Cook Road, in Buffalo Grove. Admission is free. Breakfast available for purchase from The Buffalo Restaurant.

"Let's Talk Politics" is a moderated discussion and allows opportunities for Democrats, independents and progressives in and around the 10th District to talk about important issues of the day with each other and guests that often include elected officials, candidates, political analysts, and authors.

Tenth Dems is a grassroots political organization that works to elect Democrats to all levels of government within Illinois' 10th Congressional District.

RSVP:
https://act.myngp.com/Forms/-347196725660743936?midqs=3a3syKqkUBrRiyaX8z-zPw==

Off-Year Selections

Did you know there is an election next week? Your LakeCountyEye did not know. The election will not be a complete shutout, however, there are 652 people who will be aware of it. That's because there are 652 candidates on the Lake County 2019 Consolidated election ballot.

Your LakeCountyEye did the math. If you spend 10 seconds each on 652 candidates it will take you nearly 11 hours to cast your ballot. Be sure to get to your poll early!

As luck would have it, voters are not expected to vote for every candidate. You are not obligated to choose any candidates from the other end of the County running for Library Board and Park District and Fire District -- none or whom you've ever heard of. No, you will only be asked to vote for your local candidates for Library Board and Park District and Fire District -- none or whom you've ever heard of.

Who are they? Your LakeCountyEye may not know but your County Clerk does. Click this link to preview who will be on your ballot:

Preview your ballot

Then you can look them all up on the candidate list:

Lake County Candidate List: Consolidated Election - 4/2/2019

They will all be happy to tell you what their positions are on the issues. Tell them your LakeCountyEye sent you.

One Election One Vote

The fundamental theorem of Political Science is:

Voter turnout is inversely proportional to the number of candidates on the ballot.

Just recall 2016: that year there was one option, you got to vote for President. And the voter turnout then was huge. Two years later the ballot had significantly more candidates, Governor, Attorney General, Secretary of State, Treasurer, and the rest. No surprise, turnout in 2018, while substantial, was down bigly.

OK, what about 2019? There will be an astronomical 652 candidates running for some 230 Lake County offices:

Lake County Candidate List
Consolidated Election - 4/2/2019

Plugging these numbers into the fundamental theorem your LakeCountyEye calculates that no one will be voting in 2019. All of which means your vote counts now, more than ever. In an election where nobody goes to the polls, the difference between victory and defeat could be a single vote. Be sure to let your candidate know that you will be voting. An opportunity like this only comes around once in a blue moon!

Note to Ops: The Consolidated Election is April 2, which is a Tuesday.

Vice Chair

The actual unretouched Cuba Township Republican Committeeman List:

Cuba Republican Committeemen

The C stands for Township Chairman:

Your LakeCountyEye would like to be the spycam fly on the wall at those Cuba Township Republican Committeemen meetings.

Drivel License

An actual unretouched screenshot of the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 source of fake news:

Village of Cary Liquor License Violation will meet March 15

For the record, liquor violations occur so frequently in the Village of Cary that these have taken to meeting on a monthly basis.

Haha, j/k.

The Russian Twitter Bot that generates all Lake County Gazette news items had its hard-drive crash in 2016. And since then it has been a random word generator.

No one who subscribes to the Lake County Gazette noticed.

Get Off Schock-Free

Honorary Lake County Ex-GOP-Congressman Aaron Schock got dealt a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card:

In a surprise move, federal prosecutors in Chicago announced they had agreed to drop all charges against Schock in what's known as a deferred prosecution.
Prosecutors in Chicago to drop charges against former U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock if he pays back IRS, campaign

Schock had been indicted for misusing Federal campaign money. These are similar charges that had sent former US Rep Jesse Jackson Jr to prison for 2 1/2 years.

As a general rule, it goes without saying, never pinch pennies when it comes to legal counsel.

Note to Lake County GOP Ops: If your legal representation is not up to snuff, it may be time to switch lawyers. Give Aaron Schock a call. Just because there is an R after your name, that doesn't mean you can expect a pardon. Just Sayin!

Close Enough for Anti-Government Work

An actual unretouched screencap from Lake County's #1 fake news source, the Lake County Gazette:

Top 10 campaign contribution recipients
in Lake County for the week of 2019-02-11

For the record, it is widely believed that three is not equal to ten.

The discrepancy has been attributed to the Russian Twitter Bot that produces the Lake County Gazette fakenews stories. One knowledgeable source, who spoke on condition of perspicacity, offered an explanation: "Those Eastern-Bloc fake-news-generating algorithms all use metric system numbers."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

There are No Atheists in a Pothole

Since driving on a permanently revoked license is against the law, your LakeCountyEye normally turns a blind eye to this sort of story:

Road crews are hoping for a break from the snow that will allow them to catch up on the recent crop of potholes following the freeze and thaw cycles. Drivers who spot issues can find reporting forms for the Lake County Division of Transportation at lakecountyil.gov or Illinois Department of Transportation at www.idot.illinois.gov.
Spot a pothole in Lake County? Here's how to report it

To dig up the lowdown, your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Blackburn-Lancashire Roads Scholar at the College of Lake County.

"Dude, I am hungry." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "My airplane had a layover in one of those Caribbean pothole countries. You know, where the ganja is legal."

Different kind of pothole, your LakeCountyEye was quick to point out.

Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi giggled: "No way!"

Way.

Then Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi was suddenly all frowns: "Haha I'm cool, cool with that. I will say that IDOT has issued a severe pothole warning for all of Lake County. Motorists are asked to stay home. Those who cannot are asked to call Uber."

How big are these hazards?

"I'm glad you asked." grinned Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The potholes in Lake County are so big that entire vehicles are being swallowed. And we're not talking Yugos. We're talking Camrys, even Tauruses."

Hard to believe.

"Believe me." trumpeted Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Scientists found a number of Lake County potholes which go down so deep that even light cannot escape. One has an event horizon that extends completely through McHenry County."

Is it like they will ever notice a difference?

"That baby has it's own zipcode." added Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Is that how the scientists keep track of them?

"No." replied Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Have you noticed how climatologists are now giving names even to local storms?"

So as to gin up public interest in what otherwise would have been some run-of-the-mill weather event?

"Exactly." nodded Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And transportation officials are now giving names to the Lake County potholes."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: Get out!

"There is one named pothole near the Bog State Natural Area called the Holo in Volo." continued Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Another one in front of the Waukegan Court House has been christened the Judge Crater. And if you're driving by Gurnee Mills, watch out for the Grand Wazoo."

Your LakeCountyEye had heard enough. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives relief is in sight. Foxconn has agreed to buy all of Lake County's potholes to store their industrial waste. Their radioactive runoff will be diverted into the holes, and is expected to harden within 10,000 years. And then the County roads will be like brand new!"