Election Fright

Note to Operatives: Keep an eye peeled for a heavyset man with orange hair, thick makeup, and a baggy suit, stalking candidates in Lake County. Is Donald Trump in town? Nope -- Ops are advised to be on the lookout for creepy clowns:

On Wednesday, Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran put out a statement saying his department will take proactive measures against individuals acting disorderly while wearing costumes or dressed as clowns, a new trend known as "creepy clown." "The Lake County Sheriff's Office will aggressively investigate anyone who dresses in a costume, wears a mask, disguises themselves, while making threats or acting disorderly toward others," Curran said.
Clown report that put school on lockdown was false

While these reports of creepy clowns have been hoaxes, countywide zombie sightings are a real concern. According to the News-Sun, the Route 53 Extension has become a "zombie highway" -- and is now haunted by sucker-punched public servants infected with the zombie virus. The zombie stampede was sparked by Lake County Chair Aaron Lawlor when he helter-skelter dropped his support for the road project in May. Evacuation plans are now being prepared ahead of the impending Route 53 zombie apocalypse, and ...

Lawlor made that necessary on May 16 by publicly changing his mind. He had been really for it. But then he was really against it. Zombies normally aren't so fickle.
Rutter: Highway 53 planning process goes all zombie

One important question remains unanswered. Who would win in a fair fight -- a zombie or a creepy clown? Operatives will know on November 8 -- both Donald Trump and Aaron Lawlor are on the Lake County ballot.