Second Banana?

GOP delegates will not be able to bum a ride off of Mark Kirk. Lake County's single US Senator is not attending the Republican Convention. According to BuzzFeed ...

Republican Sen. Mark Kirk of Illinois isn't touching the coming Republican convention with a 10-foot pole. "I've got to really do my hair that week," Kirk said on ROE CONN on WGN radio when asked about his plans to skip the convention. "Make sure that my hair is just perfect."
Mark Kirk On GOP Convention: "I've Got To Really Do My Hair That Week"

For the lowdown on the impending Mark Kirk noshow, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Dean of Cosmetology at the College of Lake County.

"Ya," said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "Senator Mark Kirk is sending his Party bosses a clear signal. He wants to be their candidate for Vice President."

Your LakeCountyEye had not expected to hear that. Didn't Kirk say he would boycott the Convention?

"Absolutely." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But you boycott a Convention by staying home. You don't do it by telling everyone that you will boycott the Convention. That's like when [US Speaker of the House] Paul Ryan told everyone he would not be a candidate for President."

Thus signaling that he could be a candidate for President?

"No flies on you today." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Who was Kirk sending a signal to?

"Donald Trump, of course." sighed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Who else spends hours on his hair to make sure it is just perfect?"

Your LakeCountyEye had to concede the point.

"A Trump-Kirk ticket would be just what the doctor ordered." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Rule #1 is do no harm. A gaffe-prone running mate can sink a presidential campaign faster than you can say youbetcha. Who would be better-suited than a Mark Kirk?"

Your LakeCountyEye noted that Kirk once called Lindsey Graham a Bro with No Ho.

"Exactly." countered Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Kirk would add balance to a lopsided Trump-for-President campaign. A candidate for President needs to acts presidential. So you find a suitable running mate to hurl gratuitous insults at your opponent. Can you name one attack dog any meaner than Mark Kirk?"

Your LakeCountyEye could not.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi was getting excited. "Mark Kirk would deliver Illinois to Trump on a silver platter. And after Trump is elected he sends Kirk to the Vice-President's home where everyone can forget about him. This is a no-brainer."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your operatives at the Republican Convention not to vote for anyone who hasn't drafted Mark Kirk to be his Vice President!"