The Rain of Terror

Ordinarily the City of Highland Park would be up in arms. But the Supreme Court declined to lift the ban on their assault weapons. The News-Sun says ...

The U.S. Supreme Court's refusal Monday to take up a challenge to Highland Park's ban on assault weapons protects similar restrictions in Chicago and other parts of Illinois and sends a message that municipalities have the right to determine how to best protect their communities, according to legal experts. The lack of action was a blow to the National Rifle Association and other pro-gun advocates who had hoped the high court would issue a ruling that once and for all clarified whether weapons such as AK-47s, AR-15s and Uzis are protected under the Constitution.
Supreme Court rejection of gun case considered a victory by Highland Park

When the issue is a blow of any kind, your LakeCountyEye immediately thinks of Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Ordnance Professor at the College of Lake County.

"The Supreme Court just kneecapped their holiday celebration, over in Highland Park." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Everyone gathers at Port Clinton Square on New Years to fire their AR-15s."

Your LakeCountyEye was under the impression this was a safety concern.

"Safe for the terrorists, maybe." grimaced Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The word on the street is that Highland Park has been disarmed. I've heard that the terrorists have all the B&B rooms there booked up straight through Valentines Day."

An unwelcome development.

"Ya." agreed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Highland Park has become a mecca for the radicals."

Was Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi making like Donald Trump?

"Mr Trump says the Muslims are not welcome here." shot back Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But he is pandering to the prejudice of his supporters with a gross and inadequate stereotype."

The blaggard.

"Studies show there are specific, well-defined demographic populations who are a clear and present danger to themselves and others. Religious extremists, drug dealers, whack jobs, to name a few. And they all share a common mental disorder. The clinicians classify them as douchebags with guns."

Douchebags?

"Don't be surprised if you're not familiar with the term." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The latest DSM-5 only recently identified these douchebags as anyone in possession of a weapon who would be hardpressed, if asked, to hold their nose -- let alone a firearm."

Your LakeCountyEye did not know that.

"I agree with Mr Trump that the borders need to be sealed." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But if we are serious about protecting ourselves, then it is the douchebags with guns who need to be kept out."

Your LakeCountyEye felt safer (but not safe) already. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Remind your Operatives that if all our guns get douched, then only douchebags will have guns."