Bad Paper

There is not a shred of evidence to support the rumor that Peter Roskam will portray Jack the Ripper this Halloween ...

But your LakeCountyEye has learned that Roskam -- Lake County's vestigial Congressman -- will host a document shredding openhouse this weekend. Operatives who are drowning in paper are invited to dispose of those old documents -- including but not limited to ...

• Bank Withdrawal Slips (Under $10,000)
• Unreleased Tax Returns
• Classified State Department Communiques
• Federal Subpoenas
• The Affordable Health Care Act
• "Surplus" Yardsigns from in Back of the Van
• Rogaine Prescriptions
• Scott Walker for President Petitions
• Union Contracts
• Illinois No-Firearms Signs

Congressman Roskam will be on-hand to demonstrate the "you're-doing-it-wrong" approach to document shredding ...

GOP Rep. Explodes At IRS Chief, Dramatically Crumples Redacted Report: ‘This Is Junk!’

... as well as the appropriate way to dispose of that potentially embarrassing paper-trail:

A Republican lawmaker dramatically ripped up some paper during Hillary Clinton's Benghazi hearing

Note to Ops: Time is limited. Professional cut-ups have been asked not to attend.