Funny Pages

Note to Ops: running for political office is a lot like filing for bankruptcy. Always read the fine print before signing anything. One local candidate apparently did not. The Daily Herald said ...

A Barrington village board candidate is accusing village officials of election tampering for providing him with nominating petitions that contained an error. Michael Kozel, a Barrington resident who ran unsuccessfully for village president two years ago as a write-in candidate, said he collected more than 160 signatures to run for village trustee in the April election but might have to do it again because the forms include the date of the 2013 election.
Barrington gave village board candidate incorrect nominating forms

The banks accept pre-dated checks -- a pre-dated nominating petition should be just a good? Haha.

What to do? In a predicament like this, your LakeCountyEye advises to obtain a new, corrected nominating petition. Then gather one or two signatures. Notarize that single petition sheet and file for office with it. And then dare your opponent to challenge the petition.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Move along.

Q the Eye/11.26.14

Hi,

I'm reaching out to you from RebootIllinois.com, a nonpartisan news organization that aims to encourage Illinois citizens to take back control of their governments. A leader in political and government news and views in Illinois, Reboot Illinois has been a top source of information on the 2014 Midterm Elections.

Our goal is to expand our audience to spread the message that more people getting active in government and politics can return power to the people and produce an improved government. We're asking that you consider publishing our some of our articles or linking to our website. We believe that would be a great way for you to provide your users with more of the resources that you want them to have. We know they would be thrilled to see the useful and authoritative posts our website has to offer that help citizens hold politicians accountable.

Please take a look at our website and let me know if you are interested in referring to us or if you have any questions!

Have a great day,

Charles

Dear Charles,

Users of this blog are unanimous: Who the heck is Reboot Illinois? Your LakeCountyEye carried out an exhaustive, in-depth background survey into the true identity of Reboot Illinois and came up with a couple good Google hits to the MSM:

Some Chicago area billionaires are bankrolling an internet effort aimed at influencing Illinois politics. The group launched a website about a year ago called "Reboot Illinois" to support their plans. Is Reboot Illinois journalism, or an on-line propaganda mill? With deep pockets to back it up, the site appears to be thriving. Madeleine Doubek insists she is still an independent journalist. The former executive editor at the Daily Herald is now the boss at the website called "Reboot Illinois." "We are editorially independent and non-partisan," said Madeleine Doubek, Reboot Illinois.
REBOOT ILLINOIS: INDEPENDENT JOURNALISM OR BILLIONAIRES' PROPAGANDA?

Speaking as one independent blog to another nonpartisan news organization, Charles, it takes one to know one. Haha. But no worries, your pretense is good with your LakeCountyEye.

And if it is OK with you, your LakeCountyEye will just pretend to have looked at your website -- but does express great interest in publishing your articles and linking to RebootIllinois.com. Please contact your LakeCountyEye for a payment schedule that works for you. Daily, weekly and monthly plans are available. You may qualify for the billionaire's discount, which is available through the end of this month. Act today and tomorrow you will see your stories and links salted liberally throughout Lake County's #1 political source.

PS: Love the bitchin mononym, Charles.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Tower of Power

It may be $10.5 million over budget but the Lake County Courthouse expansion project is officially under construction. And it already has been christened with a new name. The News-Sun said ...

Breaking tradition of the usual groundbreaking, artwork was unveiled Friday to celebrate the start of construction on Lake County's new $110 million Court Tower. "Justice Tower" was built by Waukegan artist Eric Marston, who used found items to create his original work.
Lake County celebrates groundbreaking of new $110M 'Justice Tower'

Your LakeCountyEye attended the ceremony alongside Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Urban Justice at the College of Lake County. When ground breaks, Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi is the one person who knows where all the fault lines are buried.

He examined an illustration of the completed structure: "Ya, justice is blind, to be sure! And justice is not cheap, either. The County Board could also have used found items to construct this building. They could have saved themselves $10.5 million. They wouldn't be breaking ground over a fiscal hole today."

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know if the horse was out of the barn and if the new Courthouse will henceforth be known as the Justice Tower.

"Absolutely. And here's why." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi pointed to a nearby parking sign:

VIOLATORS WILL BE TOWED AT OWNER'S EXPENSE

"If anything, this building is a monument to the municipal tower."

Your LakeCountyEye was confused: Municipal Tower?

"You know, as in towing company." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Virtually every court case involves a towing operation one way or another. If you don't believe me, just look at how many towing companies contributed to Sheriff Mark Curran's election campaign." He produced a spreadsheet on his iPhone 6:

Friends of Mark Curran D-2 Quarterly Report 4/1/2014 to 6/30/2014
Contributed By	Amount	Description
A-Express Towing	$500.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
A-Tire County Service, Inc.	$1,600.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Ernie's Wrecker Service, Inc.	$1,000.00 6/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Fox Recovery & Towing of Lake County	$500.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
J.R.'s Wrecker Service, INC.	$2,050.00 5/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Roger's Automotive Services, Inc.	$700.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Whitmore's Wrecker Service, Inc.	$1,000.00 6/5/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran
Wildwood Service Inc.	$2,050.00 6/2/2014	Individual Contribution Friends of Mark Curran

Friends of Mark Curran
D-2 Quarterly Report
4/1/2014 to 6/30/2014

"How do you think the County got its triple-A rating? The Auto Club doesn't bestow one of those on just anyone."

Quite an arresting revelation.

"We will be calling this Courthouse the Justice Tower for a long time." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "It's the tower who greases the wheels of county government."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Ops to embrace the change. By the way, do you have any quarters? My meter is expired."

In Rauner Numbers

Illinois has a new governor-elect -- who unlike the old governor-elect has promised to increase government spending on everyone a thousandfold while abolishing all taxes. Woo Hoo! Of course spending other-people's-money is never as easy as it sounds, so a website has been launched to solicit suggestions. The News-Sun has the details ...

Gov.-elect Bruce Rauner is launching a website that will allow individuals to apply for jobs in his administration. The website is www.MakeIllinoisGreat.com. Visitors also can submit ideas to improve the state.
Bruce Rauner wants ideas – and resumes – from Illinois residents

Your LakeCountyEye has already visited the website:

ILLINOIS IS BACK

Note to Ops: An opportunity like this does not come by every day. And while these pockets may seem to be deep, an opportunity like this does not last forever. Do not delay!

Q the Eye/11.13.14

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Applications are being accepted for the Lake County Board District 20 seat being vacated by David Stolman, who recently won election as Lake County treasurer. The seat officially will be declared vacant on Dec. 1. County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor, with consent of the board, must fill the vacancy within 60 days. The appointee must live in District 20, which includes the Buffalo Grove and Long Grove area, and be a Republican like Stolman. The appointee will fill the remaining two years of the term. Send a resume and letter of interest to Lawlor at Lake County Board office, 10th floor, 18 N. County St., Waukegan, 60085

Applications sought for vacant Lake County Board seat

Dear Lawlor,

Despite still being tighter than a Waukegan Casino slot machine, the election for Illinois Treasurer is all over. At least in the opinion of one candidate, David Stolman, who will resign from his Lake County Board seat and is already measuring the drapes in the treasurer's office. (One can always count on the Lake County Election Commission to deliver an election, especially when one happens to be the incumbent!)

So it has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that an opening on the Lake County Board has materialized in District 20. There can be no higher calling than public service, particularly when that calling materializes in the form of a sinecure with a healthy per-diem, plus expense account. Granted, the empty District 20 seat is not even cold yet, having been kept warm all of these years. And while these are big seat cushions to fill, your LakeCountyEye nevertheless humbly requests to be appointed to the Lake County Board.

Your LakeCountyEye's resume is attached below. Please do not mistake this for an Internet top ten list. Which is totally different:

Necessary Qualifications to Fill a Vacant Lake County Board Seat

Goes by a bitchin mononym, like Lawlor. Republican, like Stolman. Never recalled from elected office. Never charged with carjacking. Never operated a carwash in a forest preserve. Never sold bootleg shoes out of a Pleasant Prairie motel. Never ran down a spouse with the Cadillac. Knows where the County Board meets. Knows what the County Board is. Q: The Route 53 Extension? A: Where are the shovels!

Look for your LakeCountyEye at the next COW near you.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

I Haz a Suit

Are any of the stories posted here real? Your LakeCountyEye wishes to have $10 million deposited in a Nigerian Bank for every time asked that. Well, as readers of this blog are dubiously aware, all of these fake stories are real.

This story, posted here last week, for instance ...

The Off-Year Infections

... was real, and all you erstwhile pooh-poohers can eat crow:

A local company is working side by side with many health care facilities to create protective wear for medical workers. Medline, a Mundelein-based company, is in high demand right now. They are making life-saving protective gear to make sure people are protected from the Ebola threat.
Mundelein Company's Protective Ebola Suits in High Demand

Of course, pandemics are always good for hazmat sales, and the 2014 Ebola pandemic did not disappoint.  But now that the 2014 Election is over and Ebola has been contained -- if you are anything like your LakeCountyEye you are wondering what you are doing duct-taped into this hazmat moon-suit anyways. Your LakeCountyEye certainly is.

Nor is your LakeCountyEye about to take this lying down -- at least at the risk of not being able to get back up. Who knew, but -- Ebola not withstanding -- there are plenty of pressing reasons why you should continue to wear your hazmat suit. No fewer than 10 by your LakeCountyEye's count:

Ten Off-Label Uses for Your Hazmat Suit

Waukegan Harbor Deep Sea Diving Proper Washroom Accoutrement at a Route 53 Extension Tollway Oasis Perform the Moonwalk at a Michael Jackson Tribute Concert Ride the Goliath During Thunderstorms Neon-Yellow Goes with Just About Anything Ample Room for Your Concealed Carry Casual Friday Attire for the Zion Nuclear Power Plant Four Words: Southlake Mosquito Abatement District Smoke Anywhere, Anytime, Anything It's Flu Season, People

Look for your LakeCountyEye in quarantine near you.

Sins of Commission

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that a general election was held this week. And while that election produced its share of winners and losers, in Lake County one big loser stands head and shoulders above all the rest:

The Lake County Election Commission

The Lake County Election Commission was originally convened as an accountable body to ensure that elections in Lake County would be conducted with competence and in a non-partisan fashion. But that was back in the day. If this week's election is any indication, the Lake County Election Commission has morphed into a horribly slipshod operation, accountable to no one and hellbent on pursuing it's own questionable agenda. The Daily Herald reports that ...

Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan has won a court order to let currently unregistered voters keep casting ballots after polls close at 7 p.m. because sites for same-day voter registration in Lake County didn't open until 10 a.m. Madigan says Lake County Clerk Willard Helander is "illegally interpreting" election laws. People who vote the same day they register cast provisional ballots that will be counted later if officials verify the voter is eligible. Earlier, Madigan said Helander was making people vote a provisional ballot if they'd previously requested one by mail but hadn't sent it in. Voters, Madigan said, should be allowed to vote a standard ballot if they bring in the one they got in the mail. Madigan said Helander was requiring them to have the envelope with their name on it in addition to the blank ballot in order to vote in person. A county judge ruled this afternoon that a voter only needs to bring the ballot. "These illegal practices risk disenfranchising voters throughout the county," Madigan said in a statement.
Lake County polls open until 9 for same-day registration

It is clear that the one thing the Lake County Election Commission brings to the table is unaccountability, malfeasance and partisan rancor.

When the Lake County Election Commission was first instituted, your LakeCountyEye knew this was a bureaucratic frankenstein that needed to be stopped -- by legal action if necessary. Well, the chickens have finally come home to roost.

Change is now in the air. Operatives are urged to join your LakeCountyEye in a simple chant. Say it proud and say it loud enough that they can hear it all the way to Waukegan:

Mr Lake County Board, tear down this Lake County Election Commission!

A Palestinian Narrative on the Middle East

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Kristin Szremski, Director of Media and Communication for American Muslims for Palestine, will present a Palestinian narrative on the Middle East. American Muslims for Palestine is an education and advocacy organization that promotes human rights for Palestinians with the firm conviction that affording one people human rights does not detract from the human rights of other peoples.

• Sunday
  November 9, 2014
  2:00 pm
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  773- 281-0378
• Admission: $15

Vote Tardy and Seldom

Is there some election scheduled this week? Haha, if you are like your LakeCountyEye, you overlooked the deadline to request a vote-by-mail ballot. And you missed your opportunity to vote early. And with so many choices to be made on election day, now comes the hard part: what will be your excuse for not voting on Tuesday?

This is not the first time your LakeCountyEye has wrestled with this existential question. Or for that matter, the eighth or even the ninth. Your friends and neighbors and relatives and co-workers may be voting on Tuesday -- but not you. That's because your LakeCountyEye has rolled up ten suitable rationales to explain why you did not vote:

Ten Reasons for Not Voting this Tuesday, November 4

Convicted felons aren't supposed to vote. Voting just encourages them to hold more elections. Forgot to set the clocks back. Stuck 13 hours at a CN Railroad crossing. Voting is how Ebola spreads. My voting location is on the 9th floor of the new Waukegan Court Tower. Got caught in a monster pile-up on the Route 53 Extension. The sign said: No Electioneering Beyond This Point. So I went home. The Sheriff's police have my three pieces of photo ID. It just doesn't pay to vote -- not nearly as much as it used to.

Look for your LakeCountyEye not in line at a poll near you.