Q the Eye/12.12.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

How many petition signatures do I need to win the next election?

Fifty Percent Plus One

Dear Fiddy,

In Illinois? Zero. But you will need to knock all of your opponents off the ballot.

Haha, ever since an little known community organizer named Barack Obama got elected to the Senate by maneuvering Everett Dirksen off the ballot, the sure path to electoral supremacy has been the petition challenge.

With Illinois election law wound tighter than a $2 watch, anyone who knows which end of the yardsign goes in the ground can get their opponent thrown off the ballot. And your LakeCountyEye is not about to enumerate the various ways to engineer an election challenge (although there are in fact ten of them). Instead, the secret to a truly successful challenge is in delegating your petition challenge over to the appropriate frontman.

Nothing says triple-digit-percent election loss like a lone candidate who files a petition challenge on his own behalf:

HARDIMAN V QUINN, VALLAS

It goes without saying, someone without any friends willing to challenge the opponent's petition is probably not going to do any better on election night.

Take it from your LakeCountyEye, this is the sort of dirty job that needs to be done by a frontman. And by frontman your LakeCountyEye means party hack.

Latest Objections Filed
GENERAL PRIMARY - 3/18/2014

The minute your objection is filed, your opponent will be telling the media that you are undemocratic, play dirty politics, and want to deprive the voters of their rightful ballot choice. But with a frontman doing all your dirtywork, you look those media guys square in the eye and tell them you don't know a thing about the objection against your challenger -- but you wish him well. And by frontman your LakeCountyEye means hatchetman.

So if you're the next Barack Obama destined for glory in the US Senate, make it your #1 priority to find some Party goon willing to take the fall for knocking all your opponents off the ballot.

ATSAVES V ALVAREZ


ATSAVES V LEE

And if you don't know the name of a willing stooge, just call. Your LakeCountyEye knows someone who works cheap!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com