The Bank Holiday

The Geneva Conventions may not apply to the War on Christmas, which has escalated precipitously in 2013. Thanksgiving was moved back to November 28 this year, giving holiday Christmas shoppers a meager 4 weeks to avert total retail Armageddon. To put an already dire economic situation in some perspective, Thanksgiving comes so late in 2013 that Black Friday will fall on a Saturday. Haha, j/k. But in point of fact, Black Friday will occur in January this year. Look it up.

Your LakeCountyEye has been told that defenders of the holiday Christmas spirit are not about to throw in the white flag, not just yet. Hundreds, if not thousands, of brave Lake County retail employees have pledged be in their shops & stores, all day, on Thanksgiving Day -- and manning their stations for the opportunity to serve, you, the holiday Christmas shopper.

Never was so much owed by so many to so few!

Well, your LakeCountyEye is not going to take this lying down -- even after a couple Hungry-Man frozen turkey dinners. Can you join your LakeCountyEye in observing the holiday Christmas holidays as they traditionally have been for thousands of years? All you need to do is go out on Thanksgiving Day and buy some stuff. Here are 10 suggestions to get everyone revved up and into a holiday shopping mood:

Only You Can Help Save Christmas Ten Things to Buy on Thanksgiving Day in Lake County

Route 53 Extension Toll House Cookies Homegrown Medical "Mistletoe" Plan your same-sex holiday wedding at this Lake County boutique shop ... Don We Now Our Gay Apparel Have your family portrait professionally taken by a Mundelein squad car. Perfect for holiday cards. Unincorporated Lake County Backyard Chicken Egg Nog Augment that festive holiday spray with festive South Lake Mosquito Abatement District spray. CN Stationary Model Train (no electricity required) Gurnee is your destination for that must-have outdoor decoration: Rudolph the Red Light Camera Radioactive Pet Rocks From the North Pole direct to the Election Polls: The Lake County Election Commission In original box!

Look for your LakeCountyEye, revved up maxxed out.

Scrape Along by the Skin of Your Teeth

The tax paladins at the McHenryCountyBlog, at a bare minimum, like to appear to be watching your money. To that end, they are at present in the process of posting the salaries of every Illinois state employee who lives in McHenry County:

Salaries of State Employees Living in McHenry County – 3

Your LakeCountyEye, no slouch either when it comes to other people's livelihoods, has periodically been posting the annual remuneration of Illinois's public sector pensioners. The complete list of names is extensive, and this blog is currently making its way through the S portion of the alphabet. Here are the SKINNERs ...

Better Government Association Pension Database

Of course, $79,000 is a lot of money -- unless you happen to be the Daily Herald ...

Roskam had taken six trips worth $79,000 since taking office in 2007, a relatively small number compared to U.S. Rep. Jan Schakowsky's 23 trips worth about $198,000 in the same time.
Roskam cleared in Taiwan trip investigation

Can anyone break a $79,000 bill?

So SEO Me

Operatives of a certain age may remember when the silent movies became a thing of the past -- and may even recall that first line of dialogue ever spoken in a talkie ...

I have one just word for you, Benjamin: Plastics

Well, that was back in the day. For those who desire to see some of those Benjamins today, your LakeCountyEye has just one word:

Search Engine Optimization

... Benjamin.

Haha, even a poorly read and moreso poorly written local-focus blog has the potential to be the next Cheezburger -- and the secret is Search Engine Optimization, SEO for short. The best part is, the miracle of Search Engine Optimization is so easy & fast that its magic will work for you, too.

Just consider one painfully underperforming blog about politics in Lake County. This blog adopted the tried and true SEO trick of salting its content with one of a few special field-tested keywords:

You may just see a bunch of inane repetitions of the word LINK. But this savvy blogger saw pure search-engine gravy:

This lucky hometown blogger now has an Alexa ranking that is the envy of the blogosphere:

Seen enough? Call your LakeCountyEye for a SEO rate card today. Don't delay, the clock is ticking.

In the Wake of the News: One PDF Scrubbed from the Lake County Website

At the center of story I posted here, In the Wake of the News, is a lawsuit filed by Kirk Denz against his homeowner's association. A link to a PDF copy of the lawsuit is available on the blog post.

If your read the lawsuit, you may have glanced at this clause on page 18.

The Sheriff's Office Press Release in question had been obtainable from the Lake County website. This is no longer so. It appears that the PDF document had been removed from the Lake County website and is no longer available. This, I've been told, occurred not long after Denz filed his lawsuit.

Google still has a record of the document.

But the link is now inactive.

The document had been available on the Lake County website for downloading since 2003.

The Monkeyshines in Mundelein

As heavyweight matchups go, this one may rival the Rumble in the Jungle and even the Thrilla in Manila. In one corner sits the defending champ and 6-time incumbent, Ed Sullivan Jr. And in the other corner is his challenger, past treasurer of the Lake County Republican Party, Bob Bednar. At stake is who will be the next undisputed State Representative of Lake County's 51st District.

Bob Bednar vows to uphold the 2012 Illinois Republican platform which calls for a constitutional amendment to preserve traditional marriage. Not surprisingly, right off the heels of Ed Sullivan's vote to legalize same-sex marriage in Illinois, some heavy hitters have entered the ring for Bednar. According to the Illinois Review ...

Fallout from passage of the gay marriage bill is being felt in Lake County where an email from Lake County GOP Vice Chair Jack Koenig states that he and Chairman Bob Cook are backing Bob Bednar in his attempt to unseat Republican State Rep. Ed Sullivan who voted for the bill (SB10) to redefine marriage in the state of Illinois.
Lake County GOP chair backs opponent of Republican State Rep. Ed Sullivan

Predictably, Keith Brin -- rumored next GOP Chair of Lake County -- is none too pleased. Brin thinks it is inappropriate for current GOP Chair Bob Cook to take sides in a Republican Primary, and said so in writing. According to the CapitolFaxBlog, Brin warns Cook that ...

if you will not disavow these series of events tagged with your name as Chairman, I would ask you to resign your official position until such time as a replacement may named.
Court clerk wants disavowall or resignation
Candidate: Lake County GOP chairman supports Sullivan ouster

The 51st District that Sullivan represents is paired with State Rep David McSweeney's 52nd District. The two districts -- 51 & 52 -- comprise Senate District 26, which is represented by Dan Duffy.

It is known that both Duffy and McSweeney voted against the marriage equality bill that Sullivan supported. It is not known whether Dan Duffy plans to support Ed Sullivan or Bob Bednar. Nor is it known whether David McSweeney will support Ed Sullivan or Bob Bednar.

Anyone?

Bueller?

The $79,000 Question

It's official. Peter Roskam -- Lake County's nominal Congressman -- is off scot-free. As readers of this blog are remotely aware ...

A Chinese Junket

Roskam was under investigation by the US House Ethics Committee for a junket fact finding trip he took with his wife to Taiwan (where his daughter works). The allegation under scrutiny was whether or not Roskam's free vacation cultural exchange mission was paid for by the government of Taiwan. Long story short, since the Taiwanese government was not returning the Ethics Committee's phonecalls -- haha, case closed.

The Daily Herald crunched some of the numbers ...

Roskam had taken six trips worth $79,000 since taking office in 2007, a relatively small number compared to U.S. Rep. Jan Schakowsky's 23 trips worth about $198,000 in the same time.
Roskam cleared in Taiwan trip investigation

The moral here appears to be that while $79,000 seems like a lot of money, everything is relative when compared to something else. Of course, typical of the Herald, that something else -- here, Jan Schakowsky -- drops into the story from out of nowhere, seemingly apropos of nothing.

Your LakeCountyEye has been told, however, that the Herald's journalistic drive-by analogy was quite propos. The story, when originally submitted, contained numerous other comparisons to show that $79,000 is -- in the grand scheme of things -- a small number. It's just that 79,000 10 of them had to be cut out because of space constraints:

Ten Things Much More Expensive than Peter Roskam's Six Congressional Trips that Cost $79,000

The Lake County Election Commission Average Lake County Video Poker Jackpot Obamacare Insurance Minimum Deductible The Island Lake Police Pension Fund IOU An Illinois Gay Marriage Lake View Honeymoon Antioch Rescue Squad Legal Defense Fund Gallon of Lake Michigan Tap Water South Lake Mosquito Abatement District Petty Cash Drawer Street Value of a Nickel Bag of Lake County Medicinal Marijuana (Estimated) The Route 53 Extension

Look for your LakeCountyEye hoping to break a $79,000 dollar bill.

Female Trouble?

Among old hands at the battle of the sexes, there is an often repeated saying: "Be nice to people on the way up because you will see them going down." Naturally, it was only a matter of time before Peter Roskam -- Lake County's ladies man in Congress -- would find himself, all of a sudden, with female trouble.

Roskam regularly scores big on election night, and he counts on the ladies of his congressional district for his muscular margins of victory. This comes in the face of the fact that he enjoys a leadership role in a political party with a reputation for being Mr In-Between: in between a woman and basic health care; in between her children and basic nutrition & educational services; in between her and what she can decide to do with her body.

It goes without saying that no ladies man can play the same trick over and over -- and expect to come out on top in the long run. So, in what may be a sign that a Roskam internal poll is intimating that his appeal with the ladies is petering out, he is sponsoring a forum this weekend. A forum devoted to you -- and only to you -- the ladies of his congressional district:

Your LakeCountyEye has been asked to extend an invitation to the ladies of Lake County -- please attend Peter Roskam's Women's Forum. Roskam is expected to be there, front and center, and will mansplain, in language that you can understand, his behavior when he away in Washington. And to promise never, ever, ever to do any of those things again. He really means it, this time.

Lake County's Sans a Commission

That giant sucking sound you hear is a collective sigh of relief coming from Lake County. The Lake County Election Commission has been ruled unconstitutional, sparing voters here the burden of having to participate in fair and transparent elections. Predictably, the Daily Herald is not not-amused about Judge David Akemann's decision:

The law sought to impose the election panel on "any county with a population of more than 700,000 persons ... that borders another state and borders no more than 2 other Illinois counties," a description that fits just one of Illinois' 102 counties — Lake. Akemann found that, in violation of constitutional prohibitions against legislation written for an isolated locality, there was nothing in that particular combination of factors — population and borders with other states or counties — to cry out for an election commission, and his conclusion seems indisputable.
Editorial: Election commission ruling not just an issue of semantics

When conclusions seem indisputable, your LakeCountyEye turns to the one expert capable of turning order into chaos, and in the wink of an eye -- Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Unconstitutional Law at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye ran into Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi on the Motor-Voter line at the Secretary of State's office, where he was chuckling to himself: "Ya, the Lake County party bosses got some downstate Corn County judge to say the new Election Commission is unconstitutional. But a ruling like that opens up a giant can of worms."

Your LakeCountyEye was confused. A giant can of worms?

"Ya, even bigger than the jumbo size cans you see at Sam's Club." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "There are hundreds of laws on the books written specifically for an isolated locality in Illinois." He produced from his Backstreet Boys backpack an edition of the Illinois Compiled Statutes, and rattled off a few examples:

The county clerk in counties of 3,000,000 or more inhabitants ...
35 ILCS 200/9-45

In counties with 3,000,000 or more inhabitants, no person shall ...
35 ILCS 200/21-220

In counties of 2,000,000 or more inhabitants, the regional superintendent may ...
105 ILCS 5/3-11

... except in counties of 1,500,000 or more inhabitants where there shall be standing objections to all such petitions.
730 ILCS 5/3-3-4

"All of these laws are written for one unnamed County." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Are they unconstitutional? Should they thrown off the books?"

Your LakeCountyEye speculated that could be a good thing.

"A good thing?!" replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Which county do you think these laws are all talking about? More than 1,500,000 -- 2,000,000 -- 3,000,000 inhabitants?"

Your LakeCountyEye knew the answer to that one ... Cook County?

"No flies on you today." chortled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "If they scrapped all of these laws, the government of Cook County would instantly implode into a 300 foot burning pile of stolen tires. Would that be a good thing?"

Your LakeCountyEye wasn't sure.

"Then imagine," continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "lawless & savage gangs of feral Cook County hooligans, in their gangsta SUVs, executing raids north of Lake-Cook Road, plundering all of our womenfolk and tax-free cigarettes. Not a pretty thought?"

Your LakeCountyEye could only think about ... feral Cook County hooligans?

"Oh, I think you know who I am talking about." deadpanned Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Have you ever seen Inverness? It's in Barrington Township."

Your LakeCountyEye decided the interview was over and asked if there was any parting advice.

"Absolutely." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Tell your operatives that if they wake up some morning and find that all of their tax-free cigarettes and womenfolk are gone, they will know who to blame!"

Dumby and Dumber

It is unknown whether Lake County State Senator Dan Duffy ever uttered a sentence that did not contain a noun, a verb, and a flat tax. Haha, is there anyone in Lake County who does not believe in tax fairness? Poor people think a graduated income tax is fair -- one that makes rich people pay their fair share. While rich people favor a flat tax, where they are taxed at the same rate as poor people.

Duffy recently mailed a tax fairness survey to his constituents:

The survey begins with a personal greeting ...

Dear Friends,
In 400 BC the great philosopher, Plato, is credited with saying, "those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber."

So true, so true.

Duffy governs represents communities including South Barrington, Lake Barrington, North Barrington, Barrington Hills, Inverness, Tower Lakes.

Redistricting Local, State and National Voting Boundaries

The Stevenson Center will host a program on Redistricting Local, State and National Voting Boundaries:

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

In collaboration with Change Illinois, the Center will host Nicholas Stephanopolous, Professor at the University of Chicago Law School, specialist in national and international redistricting models; Kathleen Jung Hee Fernicola, Director of Policy and Programs, Asian Americans Advancing Justice; Mike Lawrence, former Director of the Paul Simon Public Policy Institute and before that, press secretary and senior advisor to Governor Jim Edgar; with James Nowlan, former State Representative and Senior Fellow, Institute of Government and Politics at the University of Illinois, moderator, to discuss the pros, cons and difficulties in the redistricting process.

• Sunday
  November 17, 2013
  2 PM
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  847-816-7433
• Cost $15
• Coffee and conversation following

Same Sex Marriage: The Blowback

Abraham Lincoln, who is known to have shared a bed with at least 11 boys and men during his youth and adulthood, would have been proud. Marriage equality is now the law of the land in the Land of Lincoln.

Haha. Predictably, the first fourth estate is not amused. The McHenryCountyBlog -- the Huffington Post of uneducated and rural Illinois -- points an accusatory finger at one legislator:

Franks Votes for Gay Marriage, Bill Passes

The Northwest Herald -- the New York Times of uneducated and rural Illinois -- could not resist the temptation to pile it on:

Illinois lawmakers vote to allow gay marriages

One Lake County State Rep -- Barbara Wheeler -- was having none of this legislative gaiety tomfoolery, and told the Northwest Herald ...

she could not support the bill because she believes marriage should be between a man and a woman. Wheeler did not participate in the debate on the House floor before voting against the bill. "I'm Catholic, and the message hasn't been more clear to me from my Catholic church, my bishop and my priest that this is something that is not going to be good for our communities," Wheeler said.
Illinois lawmakers vote to allow gay marriages

Note to operatives: when times are tough and money is tight and your employer is having trouble making payroll, remember one thing. You can make ends meet by doing freelance work for the Vatican.

By your LakeCountyEye's preliminary tally, every Republican legislator in Lake County voted against the marriage equality bill. Every Republican legislator, with the exception of one -- and his name escapes your LakeCountyEye at the moment.

Another suburban Republican legislator, opposed to the bill, was not about to mince with his words and worries the bill will lead to polygamy. According to the Daily Herald ...

Religion was at the center of the debate, and state Rep. Tom Morrison, a Palatine Republican, argued the approval of same-sex marriage could pave the way to polygamy. "A 'no' vote today simply preserves the current social order, which has served us well for thousands of years," he said.
How Illinois' vote for same-sex marriage unfolded

Your LakeCountyEye couldn't agree with Representative Morrison more. Those marriage customs that were good enough back in Biblical times are still good enough for today:

Many of the Old Testament Prophets and Patriarchs had multiple wives, including Lamech, Abraham, Jacob, Esau, Gideon, Saul, David, Solomon, Rehoboam, Elkanah, Ashur, Abijah and Jehoiada. Some interpretations also suggest Moses had a second wife in Tharbis. Other polygamists identified in the Bible include Ahab, Ahasuerus, Ashur, Belshazzar, Benhadad, Caleb, Eliphaz, Ezra, Jehoiachin, Jehoram, Jerahmeel, Joash, Machir, Manasseh, Mered, Nahor, Simeon, and Zedekiah.
Old Testament polygamy

Note to ops: No one ever went broke by making a living at representing (or catering to) uneducated and rural Illinois.

Voting Equality

Every man, woman, and child in Lake County waits frantically on tenterhooks. Not until Friday will they learn if, henceforward, their vote is to be tallied by an independent election commission. According to the Daily Herald ...

A judge will take two weeks to decide whether the controversial state law ordering the creation of a Lake County election commission is legal. Kane County Judge David Akemann — on the bench because Lake County Chief Judge Fred Foreman is a defendant — announced his plans Friday at the end of a nearly hourlong hearing in Waukegan. His ruling is expected Nov. 8. Adopted this summer as part of a broad election-related package, the legislation strips oversight of Lake County's elections from the county clerk and gives it to a new, five-member commission.
Judge to decide in 2 weeks if law ordering new Lake County election panel is legal

While the ruling may deprive the Clerk's Office of control over county elections, privately Lake County Clerk officials are not worried. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that for any election business the County Clerk's office may lose, the office expects to easily recoup back from issuing same-sex marriage licenses.

Haha. In related news, although technically not legal until June 30 of next year, same-sex marriage became legal in Illinois yesterday. A LakeCountyEye attaboy to everyone.

OK, who knows how to chicken dance?

Beau Jest

Having sprung forward in March, it's that time of the year, in Lake County, to fall back. Likewise in blogging, when pageview numbers are down, it is not unwise to have something tried-and-true to fall back on. This may explain why the supercentenarians at the MchenryCountyBlog have posted a titillating story about some hankypanky goings-on over at the Will County board:

A former female County Board member is trying to obtain compromising photos of herself taken by a former flame. She thinks he may have sent the photos to another bow.
If You Have an Affair on the County Board, Don’t Let Him Take Intimate Pictures

It is unknown who or, more precisely, what kind of object the unspecified bow is ...

Bow \Bow\ (bou), n.
1: a knot with two loops and loose ends; used to tie shoelaces
2: a slightly curved piece of resilient wood with taut horsehair strands, used in playing certain stringed instrument
3: front part of a vessel or aircraft
4: curved piece of resilient wood with taut cord to propel arrows
5: something curved in shape
6: bending the head or body or knee as a sign of reverence or submission or shame
7: an appearance by actors or performers at the end of the concert or play in order to acknowledge the applause of the audience
8: a decorative interlacing of ribbons

Late onset dementia is a terrible crippling malady, even for an Internet blogger. Happily, your LakeCountyEye has been assured that this Bow in question is a heartbreaker, from back-in-the-day:

Clara Bow