Training Wheels

Like the fifty mile swath cut through Georgia by Sherman's March from Atlanta to the Sea, the Canadian National Railway divides Lake County from Wadsworth to Barrington. And Lake County is none too pleased either. According to the Daily Herald:

More than 450 Barrington-area residents Thursday came to voice their often strong preferences on the choice between a Route 14 overpass or underpass to keep increasing freight traffic on the Canadian National railroad tracks from snarling motor traffic.
450 weigh in on Barrington overpass/underpass debate

It would seem like if it isn't a slow moving Canadian National behemoth train snarling up traffic in Lake County, then it is a repair at a CN grade crossing snarling it all up. The railroad lobby recognizes they have a PR problem and an industry spokesman agreed to talk to your LakeCountyEye on the condition of anonymity.

"If none of your roads never did cross over any of our tracks then none of you people would have any beef with any of our trains, eh?" this lobbyist insisted. Your LakeCountyEye produced a day-old copy of the Daily Herald with the story about the CN crossing in Barrington -- then pointed out that the proposed bypass would cost $50 million, take two years to build, and level at least eight homes.

"Gimme a break, no one is spending that kind of dough just to build a lousy bridge -- that's all just to scare all you Toro-monkeys, eh?" said the lobbyist. "What we really want is to make all our grade crossings into roundabouts."

Your LakeCountyEye asked if he had in mind any of Lake County's traffic circles, of which readers of this blog should immediately be aware:

The Lightning Round

"Abso-freakin-lutely, eh?" he replied. "Any idiot can see that traffic roundabouts are the way to go. They are cheap and you build one of them in a week or two. And the best part is there are no gates or signals at the grade crossing. One of our trains say is cannonballin' round that roundabout and all you need to do is just sort of ease your minivan on in and through and without anyone ever stopping. And no one gets hurt, eh?"

Words to ponder. Your LakeCountyEye asked the lobbyist if he had any parting thoughts.

"Don't forget to buckle up, eh?"

The Lightning Round

Lake County values a traditional way of life, and when cherished traditions are threatened Lake County pushes back. For instance, one abiding tradition that sanctions how people of opposite orientation may conjoin is now in jeopardy thanks to a small group of government officials and special-interest lobbies with a radical agenda. These outside influences want to redefine that tradition in a way that permits people to conjoin from the same-direction. Your LakeCountyEye refers of course to the redesigning of Lake County's traditional traffic-signal intersections into traffic circle roundabouts.

The Lake County Division of Transportation is proceeding with plans, your LakeCountyEye has learned, to build a new traffic circle in Hawthorn Woods. Unsurprisingly, Lake County is none too pleased. According to the Daily Herald ...

When the first roundabout was proposed in Lake County, the response was extreme. "People were so skeptical, I would seriously get phone calls from people saying there would be deaths at that corner and it would be on my conscience," recalled Lake County Board Member Ann Maine, of Lincolnshire, who is also president of the Lake County Forest Preserve District.
Lake County considers first multilane roundabout

Just the mere mention of a traffic circle has the power to elicit strong emotions from the typical Lake County resident. To explain the phenomena, your LakeCountyEye consulted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, professor of Ethno-Atavism Studies at the College of Lake County.

"You would be surprised how many people think traffic circles will hasten the end of civilization as we know it." Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi told your LakeCountyEye. "They fear the traffic circle will devalue traditional red-light traffic intersections, leading to many fender benders that otherwise would not have occurred."

Your LakeCountyEye pointed out that the County is mulling over a multi-lane roundabout in Hawthorn Woods. "Precisely." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "First there are single lane traffic circles. Then when drivers get used to these, they start to build the multi-lane traffic circles. Where does it all end?"

Upon hearing this, your LakeCountyEye produced a day-old copy of the Daily Herald:

Lead-footed drivers could be in luck after the Illinois Senate Tuesday approved legislation to raise the speed limit on tollways and interstates to 70 mph.
Illinois Senate: Raise speed limit to 70 mph

"Have you ever taken an ungraded three hundred and sixty degree curve at seventy miles per hour?", Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi wondered out loud.

One rhetorical question to ponder. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any parting advice.

"Be sure to buckle up!"

Sinking in the Rain

Just when it was looking like the Lake County housing market was on the rebound, suddenly everyone's home is under water again. Haha, literally.

Lake County got its annual 100 year flood last week, and ever since has been making like investment bankers and mopping up.  Your LakeCountyEye blogs from the basement of a divorced parent and is not immune -- especially after the sump pump of the aforementioned divorced parent short circuited.  Operatives are asked not to worry, it will take more than two feet of water (and rising) to sink your LakeCountyEye.  Hooray for wireless electronics!

Wishing not to be caught with its pants down, the County declared a flood emergency. According to the Patch ...

Lake County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor announced that he declared the state of emergency around 9 a.m. in an effort to not only further facilitate coordination among agencies to deal with the flooding but to also attempt to get flood assistance funds from the federal government should they become available.
State of Emergency Declared in Lake County

Although he tries to pass as a small government Republican, it is still reassuring to see Aaron Lawlor with hand outstretched to the federal trough. Whether or not this will suffice to throw some cold water on a still fluid situation remains to be seen.

Until then your LakeCountyEye is committed to thinking only happy thoughts. As a matter of fact, your LakeCountyEye counts ten silver linings behind this particular cloud:

Ten Hidden Benefits to the 2013 Lake County Flood

The Waukegan riverboat casino can now dock anywhere in Lake County. Torrential rains prove global warming is a media generated myth. Port Barrington is now an actual port. Princess Nudelman doesn't need to call a cab to get to the voting booth any more. The Stupid Route 53 Extension will be rebranded as the Sensible Route 53 Aqueduct. No Wake at Wooster Lake? No problem. No more Wooster Lake. Koi ponds will all be stocked with attractive asian carp. Look for a bumper crop of hydroponically grown medical marijuana. Free gondola rides at Venetian Village. Lots more live camera opportunities coming down the pipe for Aaron Lawlor.

Look for your LakeCountyEye at a watering hole near you.

Q the Eye/04.20.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I've represented Lake County most of my adult life and you'd think that after a while we shouldn't be obligated to run for re-election every time there is an election. Be that as it may, it looks like I'm getting my wish anyways whether anyone likes it or not. After the maps were redrawn last year, now 90% of the people in my district always vote for my party.  I'm representative for life now and nobody in Lake County can do anything about it. Woohoo!

Not Joe Walsh

Dear Well Duh,

A quick note to correspondents: all questions sent to your LakeCountyEye must be phrased in the form of a question.

But to answer your quasi-question, absolutely, it sux not to be you.  Kick back, relax, don't rock the boat, and ease yourself into that nice, fat government pension in ten or twenty years.

Or not.

Don't make the mistake of one Lake County legislator who found himself in circumstances strikingly similar to yours -- he was redistricted into a Teaparty vote-sink where any Republican, with at least a valid-looking green-card, would be re-elected in perpetuum.  But did he take your LakeCountyEye's advice?  No, this intemperate legislator decided to come out in favor of same-sex marriage -- and wasn't shy about blowing his own horn over the decision in an e-mail he sent to his constituents:

Shotgun Weddings?

It's probably no coincidence that on the very next day some 100 of his Teaparty constituents showed up at his office to protest. According to the Daily Herald, they were none too happy that this legislator takes their support for granted:

"There was some discussion among people in the group today that maybe we need a primary challenge for him next year."
'Traditional marriage' supporters protest at Sullivan's office

Note to operatives: if anyone can be counted on to vote in a primary election that would be someone who shows up at your legislative office waving a protest sign.

Nothing is guaranteed to strike the fear of Jesus, so to speak, into the heart of the even most jaded elected official more than a primary challenge.  Especially if you are a Republican and the challenge is coming from your right.  Your LakeCountyEye would not be surprised to see this particular legislator demanding, loudly and publicly, school vouchers and an end to abortion and unrestricted access to concealed carry. And sometime soon.

Don't let this happen to you!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Shotgun Weddings?

They're back!

They are definitely back if by they one means spam unsolicited e-mail sent by State Rep Ed Sullivan Jr. As readers of this blog are definitely aware ...

An Email-Order Marriage?

Unsolicited e-mail from Sullivan's office -- with Marriage Equality as the subject-line -- arrived last month in the inbox of at least one operative. The operative was thanked for contacting the Lake County State Rep's office, even though they hadn't.

Since then, Sullivan has come out of the closet -- so to speak -- on the issue of same-sex marriage. And soon after, the same operative was spammed, yet again, by Sullivan's office:

From: ilhouse51@sbcglobal.net
Sent: 04/12/2013 4:15 PM
To: [redacted]
Subject: SB10

Dear  [redacted],

Thank you for your recent letter in favor of S.B. 10, the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act.  I am very proud to support this important legislation for our State.

After personal reflection and discussions with members of our community, I have decided to support civil marriage because it goes to the core of what I believe our State's-and indeed our Nation's-Constitution intends: a limited government whose citizens are free to make personal choices with equal protection under the law.

The role of a limited government is to fairly hold all people as equals, regardless of race, creed, or orientation, not to devise rules that make moral judgments of any particular class.  Furthermore, each citizen should be left to himself or herself to make deeply personal decisions regarding life and the pursuit of happiness.  Constrained by these principles, government should not stand in the way of two consenting adults who wish to commit to each other through civil marriage, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Thank you again for taking the time to write and share your concerns. I respect your opinion on this important issue, and invite you to contact me again regarding your concerns regarding any future legislation. It is an honor to represent you in the General Assembly.

Sincerely,

Ed Sullivan
State Representative - District 51

Note that the operative is thanked for contacting Sullivan's office about SB10 -- even though they in fact hadn't.

Your LakeCountyEye has already observed that ...

Guns and Butter

at about the same time he came out in favor of same-sex marriage, Sullivan also received a sizable contribution from the Illinois Firearms Manufacturers Association. Your LakeCountyEye can't say with certainty, but suspects this may explain why Sullivan's mail server is set on a hair-trigger.

Eight is Enough

Is there anyone who doesn't love to hate Joe Walsh, the Ex Eighth District Congressman and next Chairman of the Illinois GOP? Count in the Illinois Review -- where Walsh recently posted an Internet Top Ten List. Walsh listed eight simple steps that will save Illinois:

1. Eliminate the individual state income tax and the state corporate tax.
2. Give every parent in the state a school voucher to send their children to whatever school they want to send them to — public, private, religious, or home.
3. Place every government employee on a defined contribution, 401(k) style retirement plan.
4. Begin immediately tapping into our natural gas and oil reserves.
5. Eliminate township governments.
6. Give every law-abiding adult the right to carry a concealed weapon.
7. Have a federal prosecutor investigate how Michael Madigan and his legal clients have benefited financially at taxpayer expense from his role as Speaker.
8. Tell Judy Barr [sic] Topinka to retire.

Walsh: How To Save Illinois in Eight Simple Steps

Sharpeyed operatives may observe that Walsh -- who enjoys a reputation for being a day late and a dollar short -- could only come up with 8 items for his Top 10 List.

It's no exaggeration to say your LakeCountyEye knows a thing or two about Internet Top Ten Lists. Like a check lost in the mail, here are the two last simple steps that Walsh neglected to provide:

Simple Steps #9 and #10 that Joe Walsh Promise Will Save Illinois

Secede from the Union Tune in to The Joe Walsh Show Only on WIND / AM 560 Now weekdays from 7 to 9 PM!

Look for your LakeCountyEye at a twelve discount eight step program near you.

A Political Gaffe?

It's no secret that Lake County's State legislators all share a ride to and back from Springfield. Your LakeCountyEye would give anything to be a fly on the windshield of the next trip down to the Statehouse. Haha, here's an actual transcript from an actual Chicago Tribune story:

After years of lobbing attacks at each other through the media, Sen. Terry Link and Gaming Board Chairman Aaron Jaffe found themselves in a tense face-to-face showdown at the Capitol. "We've waited a long time for this meeting to take place," Link told Jaffe, a former judge and state legislator. "I've heard myself being criticized on TV, radio, everywhere else by you, judge." Jaffe did not back down, at times pointing a finger directly at Link and firing back: "I would say that you have attacked me more times than I have attacked you. You have been absolutely atrocious in that regard." "If I'm atrocious with you in (that) regards, judge," Link responded, raising his voice, "it's because you have whipped the living daylights out of me on TV, stage and screen — and I haven't been on stage and screen."
Gambling expansion showdown at Capitol

For those keeping score at home, here is the current betting-line:

Player	Point Spread	Moneyline	Total
Jaffe	+1 (-110)	+140	8 O (-110)
Link	-2 (-110)	-160	8 U (-110)

Your LakeCountyEye has been told that the OTB betting parlors are open until 11PM in Lake County.

UPDATE:
The Springfield carpool van was seen at the Lake Forest Tollway Oasis. An operative observed the driver singing karaoke:

You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.

The van was last reported headed in the general direction of the Hollywood Casino Joliet.

Guns and Butter

It's no secret that Lake County is getting all bollixed up over gay marriage. What is less known is that gay marriage will soon be the law of the land in Illinois -- that is, if the gun manufacturers get their way.  Your LakeCountyEye has the greenlight to report an Internet exclusive: the gun manufacturers and their lobby, the NRA, are preparing to go full-bore, so to speak, in support of gay marriage.

Crime statistics show that most instances of domestic violence occur within the first few years of marriage. This fact is not lost on the gun manufacturers, who count newlyweds among their best and most loyal customers. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that in states where gay marriage became legal, gun sales increased by healthy if not significant margins.

One anonymous spokesman for the gun manufacturer's lobby told your LakeCountyEye: "Have you ever listened to country music? Do you think those song lyrics are all made up? Our internal sales numbers tell us that the first thing every newlywed does after the honeymoon is sneak out to the gun shop, behind the back of their partner. They want to make sure that they have some insurance against getting cheated on -- or a remedy as the case may be. I don't have to tell you what will happen to gun sales if large numbers of young, virile gay males suddenly enter this pool."

You heard it here first. It is only a matter of time, now, before gay marriage is legal in Illinois.

Now, operatives may be forgiven if they suspect your LakeCountyEye is pulling the wool over their eyes. But consider these recent news items:

On March 25, the Illinois Firearms Manufacturers Association, of Naperville, made a $1,500 contribution to Citizens for Sullivan.

Citizens for Sullivan: A-1 List

Citizens for Sullivan is the political action committee of Lake County State Representative, Ed Sullivan Jr.

Then the Chicago Tribune reported this week that State Rep Ed Sullivan Jr now supports gay marriage.

State Rep. Ed Sullivan Jr. of Mundelein said Sunday he will support a bill to allow gay marriage in Illinois, becoming the second House Republican to do so and first among leadership.
GOP state lawmaker backs same-sex marriage bill

Politics makes strange bedfellows.

First Alert!

If there was any doubt that there is an election in the State of Illinois -- to be held tomorrow, this Tuesday, April 9 -- then behold a sample campaign mailer forwarded by an operative:

Your LakeCountyEye suspects that offices for Ela Township, Lake County, will be on Tuesday's ballot -- but that is not exactly clear, based on the contents of the mailer.

The mailer does issue a stern but comically worded admonition:

The following community leaders urge you to look past the lies
and attacks of their opponents and vote for Ela First
Anyone who took the time to read the mailer no doubt would be left with more questions than answers.

The names of the community leaders who are the targets of the (unspecified) attacks are listed on the mailer:

But very little else is made clear ...

• Who are their opponents?
• Why are their opponents on the attack?
• What lies?

If you happen to be one of these community leaders ...

• U.S. Congesssman Peter Roskam
• State Senator Dan Duffy
• State Senator Matt Murphy
• State Representative Ed Sullivan, Jr.
• Lake County Treasurer Robert Skidmore
• Lake County Board Member Craig Taylor
• Lake County Board Member Nick Sauer
• Deer Park Village President Bob Kellerman

... do you know that you may have opponents who are determined to attack and lie to you? For that matter, why are they so mean? Do not hesitate to contact your LakeCountyEye immediately. Your LakeCountyEye is here to help.

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Q the Eye/04.07.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Thanks for reminding us that there is an election in Illinois on April 9, this Tuesday. I urgently need to know who will win.

Without your help, I don't know what I would've done last November. I need your help again -- please hurry, I have a deadline!

Not Nate Silver

Dear You Bet You're Not,

Your LakeCountyEye doesn't have the time to analyze every race, but will share a foolproof secret. In these off-year elections, the campaign with the heavy odor of desperation is the one likely to lose. And the #1 sure sign of campaign desperation is the 11th hour Robocall. You don't need to take it from your LakeCountyEye, it's been empirically demonstrated that your improvised, last-minute Robocall is guaranteed to lose you votes on election day.

It's not surprising that the strongest odor of desperation comes from the direction of Island Lake -- a community of friendly people^® -- where the office of Mayor is up for grabs. Apparently an anonymous Robocall there got one Mayoral candidate hopping mad and he notified authorities. According to the Daily Herald, this Robocall ...

got the attention of Lake County State's Attorney Mike Nerheim. "We are looking into this," Nerheim told the Daily Herald in an email.
State’s attorney investigating robocall targeting Island Lake candidate

Note to ops: If you are the one behind that Robocall, make sure you wipe any DNA evidence off of the Robocall machine. Haha, j/k. You don't have anything to worry about -- this State's Attorney's Office has a track record of finding some undocumented resident or disadvantaged minority to charge. From a purely legal perspective however, it is not illegal to make Robocalls -- so your LakeCountyEye cannot rightly say what they will be charged with. Something or other that could be made to stick, no doubt, but your LakeCountyEye digresses.

It is unknown who or which side is behind those Island Lake Robocalls. The campaign that can't do any better than phone it in, as far as your LakeCountyEye sees it, is not likely to win.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Small Fortunes

How much is the down payment on a Del Webb condo? At long last, your LakeCountyEye can finally afford to retire -- because the County has a surplus in its treasury and may give it back to Lake County taxpayers. According to the Daily Herald:

Taxpayers could see slight relief as the Lake County Forest Preserve District decides how to spend a $1.6 million surplus. A recommendation Thursday by the forest board's finance and administrative committee would use $1.1 million of the surplus to pay down debt in equal installments during the next two years. The remaining $535,000 that had been generated in interest would be used for projects, such as solar gates and other measures designed to reduce operating costs.
Lake County forest preserve committee recommends how to use surplus

The County has to decide whether to give the money back to taxpayers or to spend it on a bunch of stupid stuff. Now, according to your LakeCountyEye's precise calculations, $1.6 million divided by 800,000 residents yields about $2 for every person in Lake County. Which includes your LakeCountyEye. $2 is not an insignificant amount, particularly in Depression ravaged Lake County. Your LakeCountyEye would like the refund please. That $2 will go a long way -- your LakeCountyEye can think of ten ways, right off the bat.

Ten Ways to Burn Through $2 in Lake County

200 pulls on a Waukegan Casino slot machine A shotglass of Lake County Fair beer Access to or exit from the Route 53 Extension $1.82 from the Coinstar machine Free parking in any Lake County TIF district That and $5 will get you a Starbucks Podcast Joe Walsh Now weekdays from 7-9pm Only on WIND -- AM 560 An extra clip of .30-caliber ammunition One McNugget at any Mundelein free-range chicken ranch A Lake County two-dollar haircut

Look for your LakeCountyEye in the money.

Electile Dysfunction?

There's an old joke in Illinois -- you know it's in Lake County, probably in Illinois -- that goes ...

Q:

When will the voters become oblivious of the 2013 Consolidated Election?

A:

Six weeks after they were oblivious of the 2013 Consolidated Primary.

Haha, Illinois's best-kept secret is scheduled for next Tuesday, April 9. If any fewer people knew about the upcoming top-secret 2013 election, that would be about the 2013 primary election, from six weeks ago.

Elections are not free and the 2013 Primary was no exception. Predictably, the Daily Herald was not amused. The taxpayer ...

paid about $30,000 in Lake County to have 4,166 Democratic voters determine which of the party's three Waukegan mayoral candidates would face two independent candidates in the actual election.
Primaries: Low voter turnout, big cost to taxpayers

That works out to more than $7 per vote, which is about the going rate in Waukegan. Those turnout numbers actually seem a lot higher than would be expected. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that County officials are closely monitoring local elections in Wisconsin, with an eye toward improving existing programs for suppressing the vote in Waukegan.

In these hard economic times, it seems, everyone will have to tighten their belts. Lake County Clerk Willard Helander told the Herald ...

"The big costs are staffing, printing ballots, renting facilities and hiring people to move equipment." In Lake County, more than $37,000 was spent on salaries for "election judge and site manager payroll," Helander said.
Primaries: Low voter turnout, big cost to taxpayers

Your LakeCountyEye observes that some serious money will be saved if they can reduce those voter turnout numbers down to zero. Just sayin!

So few people are expected to vote in the April 9 election that a proportional number of candidates decided to sit this one out as well. The Daily Herald, predictably, is not amused:

A lack of ballot competition in Tuesday's election means many homeowners aren't likely to see much in the way of policy change when it comes to property taxes. While voters will make key choices in some local races, more than 60 percent of the 2,100-plus races that will be decided in suburban Cook, DuPage, Kane, Lake and McHenry counties are uncontested, have fewer candidates than seats available or have no candidates at all.
Uncontested races likely mean status quo on local taxes

Note to ops: Yes, the Daily Herald that disapproves of wasting money on off-year primary elections is the same Daily Herald that laments the dearth of candidates on this off-year election ballot. And just where are all these general election candidates supposed come from -- without a nominating primary?  Your LakeCountyEye is not amused.

With no one on the ballot this Tuesday, and with no one voting, any single vote cast is quite likely to be the difference between the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. The going rate for your LakeCountyEye's vote is as low as $7 -- and be sure to ask about the volume discount.

Look for your LakeCountyEye next Tuesday at a voting booth near you. Where permitted by law.

The Consequences of the Media Information Hydrant: A Nation of Silent Spectators

The Stevenson Center will host a program on The Consequences of the Media Information Hydrant: A Nation of Silent Spectators:

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy

Mr. Torey Malatia is the Chief Executive Officer and President of Chicago Public Radio. He is a national leader of strategic thinking about the role of public media as a public trust, serving as Board Chair of Public Radio Exchange, Inc. As an advocate for deepening community commitments, he has created many neighborhood and local reporting initiatives. He is the co-founder with Ira Glass of This American Life and a developer of many program innovations including Sound Opinions and Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!

• Sunday
  April 14, 2013
  2 PM
• The Stevenson Center on Democracy
  25200 N St Mary's Rd
  Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
  847-816-7433
• $15
• Coffee and conversation following

What's In Store?

If there was any doubt that your LakeCountyEye is a connoisseur of collectibles & memorabilia, operatives are invited to tour the LakeCountyEye basement.  Or the LakeCountyEye attic. Or the foyer or parlor or sitting room. Or mancave. Or etc. or etc. It's not for nothing that your LakeCountyEye is a huge fan of all those cable shows about antiques and pawnshops and hoarders and the self-service storage industry.

So it should be no surprise that your LakeCountyEye was delighted to learn that a fresh boatload of new merch is soon to be on the market and for the taking to the highest bidder. The Daily Herald recently reported that ...

Nearly 140 Lake County employees would move to rented quarters when four floors of the main office in downtown Waukegan are gutted as part of an ongoing project to improve energy efficiency. About 120 people from the recorder of deeds, human resources, information technology, county administrator, and finance and administrative departments would move to an office building at 1325 Tri-State Parkway in Gurnee at a cost of nearly $19,863 per month.
Lake County may rent space during renovation

Naturally those 140 County relocated employees will have to store their government assets and sensitive documents somewhere. And with record-keeping as it is in Waukegan -- parchment and quill pens -- records of where all those assets were stored are sure to be lost. Your LakeCountyEye reckons that it is only a matter of time before the rent on all that government materiel in those storage lockers goes into arrears. And when they do bust open the shed with the boltcutters, your LakeCountyEye will be there waiting with the high bid.

It is not for nothing that your LakeCountyEye has been voted Lake County's top investigative blogger every year there has been such a thing to vote for!

Of course, any operative who just fell off the turnip truck (and/or from McHenry County) knows that those cable storage shows are all just totally faked. If a treasure hunter takes home anything valuable, that's because the locker was salted with valuables that advertisers want to see plugged on the cable teevee.  The whole thing is rigged -- so, why should your LakeCountyEye be believed?

Well, haha, your LakeCountyEye is not asking to be believed. Your LakeCountyEye is only reminding operatives that they, too, can rig the game in their favor. See to it that your valuable materiel ends up in that abandoned storage locker -- and your LakeCountyEye will make sure everyone sees that materiel on the cable teevee. Haha, metaphorically speaking of course.