The Shred Tide

Perhaps with the exception of Rihanna's upcoming visit to Barrington High School (TBD), no single day is being more hotly anticipated in Lake County than Tuesday, April 9 -- 2013 Election Day. 2013 is a consolidated election year, which means virtually every township and municipal office will be on the ballot and up for grabs to some lucky candidate. So naturally #1 on the mind of candidates is whether or not the election results will have a clear paper trail.

Does your LakeCountyEye refer to a clear trail of paper ballots -- the one thing that can stand between a clean and a stolen election? Haha, of course not. Your LakeCountyEye refers to that paper trail left behind in all the township and municipal offices of incumbent candidates who are booted out of said offices. #1 on the mind of every incumbent candidate right about now is: "Hey what if I lose -- do I have an exit strategy?!"

Note to operatives: fear not, your LakeCountyEye has you covered. It's been four years already since your LakeCountyEye blogged about the 2009 township elections, and the comical manner in which the defeated Avon Township government vacated their offices. Well, what was good back in in the day is still good in 2013. If you or your candidate, heaven forbid, should fail to attain fifty percent plus one, and are required to clean out your desk for the crook guy that defeated you -- and toot-sweet -- just remember there is no better investment of your government dollars than a good paper shredder. Need your LakeCountyEye say more?

As luck would have it, according to the Daily Herald, there is even a free paper shredding party scheduled in Hainesville:

A Community Shred Day is scheduled for Thursday, April 4, from 4 to 6 p.m. at State Rep. Sam Yingling's House District 62 office at 20 W. North St., Hainesville.
Community Shred Day on April 4 in Hainesville

State Rep. Sam Yingling of course is the same Sam Yingling who was elected Avon Township Supervisor in 2009 and knows firsthand what it is like to take over an office where the records of a previous administration are all-of-a-sudden mysteriously unavailable. Well it's nice to see that Yingling has been a good sport about it all and is even offering the same service to those who follow in his footsteps. Way to go, Representative Yingling!

Your LakeCountyEye does observe that Yingling's free paper shredding services will be offered on April 4 -- five days before the election.

Haha Psych!

Obvious Signs

There is nothing sadder than the silly season of an off-year election. And were there any doubt that Lake County is in the midst of either, look no farther than this tale out of Fox Lake, of election yardsigns and square footage, all courtesy the Daily Herald:

At issue is the size of the sign. Under the village's election sign law, which was updated in February 2012, the length and width of an election sign is limited to 4 feet, and the sign is not allowed to have a surface area totaling more than 16 square feet. The sign, which reads "Ed Bender, Mayor, Focused Party", covers the billboard. A billboard exceeds 100 square feet in size, village officials say.
Mayor’s oversized billboard causing controversy in Fox Lake election

They say the silly season is the laboratory of democracy, where desperate campaigns experiment with halfbaked ideas, hoping to turn that landslide defeat into a last-minute victory. The latest halfbaked idea appears to be the ginormous yardsign.

Does this signal a new trend -- the incredible growing yardsign?  Operatives are advised to always consult the experts before unleashing new campaign technology on an unsuspecting electorate. The undisputed expert on yardsigns is Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, a professor of Evolutionary Political Science at the College of Lake County. Your LakeCountyEye asked him what Lake County has to look forward to, regarding the humble yardsign. Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi replied that empirical studies have shown that the bandwidth required by the average yardsign is increasing exponentially. He produced a graphic on his laptop. "I am sure you have seen this chart of human evolution. No?" ...

"If you have, this is the projected evolutionary progress of the Lake County political yardsign." ...

"According to our estimates, the typical yardsign by the 2016 election will be bigger than a drive-in movie screen. This should serve as a fair warning to city and highway planners in Lake County. Not to mention homeowners who agree to plant a yardsign in their front yards. I can't think of anything too big to fail in Lake County, except now the yardsign."

Words to ponder. Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi if he had any parting advice for operatives.

"Enjoy your views of the sunny skies and moonlit nights. While you still can."

Awes, the Great and Powerful

Awesome \Awe"some\, adj.

1. Causing awe; appalling; awful; as, an awesome sight.
2. Expressive of awe or terror.

Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary

As far as off-year elections go, they don't come more off than this year's -- perhaps with the exception of those years when no elections are held. Haha, Lake County candidates are taking desperate measures to get their voters to the polls on April 9, who are all expected to stay at home in record numbers.

One sign of desperation are those questionnaires that newspapers will ask candidates to complete, in lieu of actual reportage. As readers of this blog are awestruckedly aware ...

Awes, the Great and Powerful

A candidate for Lake County College Trustee, Barbara Oilschlager, dropped the A-Bomb in a questionnaire submitted to the Patch (another sign of desperation):

College of Lake County is an awesome place and I want to keep it that way.
Barbara D. Oilschlager: College of Lake County Board Candidate

If the goal here is to drive the youth vote to the polls, your LakeCountyEye suspects her statement may have the opposite effect of popping the gearshift into reverse. On the other hand, no one under 50 votes in off-year elections, so no harm no foul.

Most of these candidate's questionnaires posted online look like the answers were copied off a Dog N Suds menu. This particular Trustee candidate's questionnaire is an exception and deserves an "A" for effort. Your LakeCountyEye suspects that her questionnaire was penned by a campaign consultant. Either that or Oilschlager is a retiree of Medicare age with an excess of free time.

In either event, your LakeCountyEye cautions operatives to choose words carefully when submitting newspaper questionnaires -- or risk coming across way more geriatrical than you actually happen to be. If that is too much to expect on your salary then here at least are 10 words -- along with awesome -- to avoid:

Ten Adjectives Never to Use When Writing a Candidate Bio

geriatrical far-out unindicted Fahrvergnügen l33t bedridden bedbug ridden chaetophorous Machiavellian oleaginous

Look for your LakeCountyEye at a thesaurus near you.

Vote Early Vote Awesome

It may be spring break in Lake County -- but that doesn't mean there won't be a surprise pop quiz:

Who recently told one local newspaper: "College of Lake County is an awesome place and I want to keep it that way."
	Buchanan La Quinta Occupation: Political Science Undergraduate, College of Lake County Age: 19
	Ashley Wilkes Occupation: Digital Game Design Instructor, College of Lake County Age: 31
	Barbara Oilschlager Occupation: Retired Age: 64

If you guessed "Awesome" Barbara Oilschlager then step forward and claim your prize: An all-expenses-paid spring-break weekend on Blarney Island.

Barbara Oilschlager is a candidate for College of Lake County Trustee. And with election day just around the corner, on April 9, Oilschlager is doubtless courting that important off-year-election youth-vote -- even if that means going to the Patch and signifying to the kids that you speaks their lingo:

College of Lake County is an awesome place and I want to keep it that way.
Barbara D. Oilschlager: College of Lake County Board Candidate

A public statement like that is hard to top -- but Oilschlager also told the Patch:

The most important challenge is to remain fiscally sound. Without fiscal stability, not much else is possible. One of the fiscal challenges include pension reform. CLC is a very labor intensive entity where anywhere from 74 percent to 76 percent of our budget goes to salary and benefits. If the state were to push the entire pension obligation on to CLC all at once, our first year obligation alone would be about $8 million. Another challenge for us will be the impact of "Obama Care." Right now CLC is struggling with a definition of what will constitute an eligible employee.
Barbara D. Oilschlager: College of Lake County Board Candidate

Even your LakeCountyEye can read between those lines. How awesome will CLC be after they lay-off all of those labor-intensive educators and outsource their jobs to China or Mexico or with web-bots or something? Triple the awesome? Quadruple? The mind boggles.

Some of your LakeCountyEye's fondest recollections are of times past spent at CLC: the raccoon coats, the hip flasks, the Model-T's, the ukuleles. And that was just 2012! The old alma-mater won't be the same if they turn CLC into an online teaching institution. Did your LakeCountyEye mention that election day is April 9?

Boola Boola!

Round Lake Area Candidate Debate

A loyal reader sends us a reminder: The League of Women Voters of Lake County and the Round Lake Area Public Library will hold a two-night public candidate event. Candidates will address the audience.

What:
Round Lake Area Candidates Debate

Where:
Round Lake Beach Cultural and Civic Center
2007 N Civic Center Way
Round Lake Beach

When:
Tuesday, March 19
7:00pm

AND

When:
Wednesday, March 20
7:00pm

The doors will open at 6:30 p.m. and the candidate event will begin at 7:00 p.m.

Who:
The following candidates have been invited to participate: Avon Township Supervisor, Avon Township Clerk, Avon Township Assessor, Avon Township Highway Commissioner, Avon Township Trustees, Round Lake School District #116, Village of Round Lake, and Village of Round Lake Park.

Candidates for Avon Township offices are scheduled for the Tuesday session and candidates from Round Lake Area Unit District 116 and the villages of Round Lake and Round Lake Park are scheduled for Wednesday.

Sponsors:
League of Women Voters - Lake County
Round Lake Area Public Library

Another friendly reminder, the Illinois Consolidated Election is Tuesday, April 9. Early voting starts on Monday March 25, and ends Saturday, April 6.

Paper Over the Cracks

If Video Killed the Radio Star, then the Internet is well on its way to killing the Print Newspaper.

Haha, the day may arrive sooner than later, at least in Lake County. Rumor has it that the Koch brothers are going to buy the Chicago Tribune. Not just a copy of the newspaper, but the whole enchilada: the Tribune Company.

The Koch brothers own Koch Industries, which makes Angel Soft and Quilted Northern toilet paper. Industry sources tell your LakeCountyEye that the Koch brothers have discovered they can produce toilet paper at significantly cheaper costs by recycling hot-off-the-press Chicago Tribunes. If a deal goes through, this either means that actual physical copies of the Chicago Tribune will disappear from the newsstand. Or that readers will be able to enjoy the Tribune's creepy political cartoonist -- Ron Stantis -- when visiting the throneroom in the morning. Neither possibility exactly bowls your LakeCountyEye over.

Operatives are advised to look for some significant revisions between the sheets at their new Mother-of-Pearl Tribune.The Koch brothers, who want build up a younger readership, are expected to fire the Tribune's long-time publisher Col. McCormick and replace him with the trend-setting Mr. Whipple.  Also do not be surprised to see your Trib delivered to your stoop by your Roto-Rooter Man.  It goes without saying that the Tribune Tower henceforward shall be known as the Tribune Porcelain Tower.

The Koch brothers -- no friends of organized labor -- see all this as an opportunity to break the powerful Typesetters Union.  One source told your LakeCountyEye that they would much rather deal with the Plumbers Union instead -- who they privately regard as a bunch of pantywaists.

Expect the deal to impact popular culture as well. The children in Chicago's schoolyards are going to have to come up with a new punchline to that old joke:

What is black and white and red all over?

And if things just couldn't get any worse ...

Before: After: These are not photos of Truman's first and second terms. This is actually another hilarious LakeCountyEye Double Vision™!

In the future, look for your LakeCountyEye in loo of your Tribune.

Y Me!

Lake County doesn't know it but there is yet another election coming up soon -- a consolidated election scheduled for April 9. Illinois holds a consolidated election every two years to consolidate your tax dollars at a local level, like in a township or municipality. That way, government pork can be doled out in consolidated amounts.

However, as readers of this blog are solidly aware ...

Q the Eye/03.09.13

Your LakeCountyEye keeps tabs on who benefits from the government pork in Lake County by reading the political Letters to the Editor before elections. But with the immanent demise of the printed newspaper your LakeCountyEye will need an alternate source to identify those lined up at the trough and sucking on the government teat.

One time-honored old-school standby are campaign contributions. For instance, this is a recent A-1 donation report to a Lake County political party, selected at random from the Illinois The State Board of Elections:

Illinois The State Board of Elections

The donors, Patricia and Vincent Foglia, gave a total of $15,000 to the Ela First Party, a slate on the April ballot for Ela Township government.

Fifteen Grand is a lot of money, particularly for a township election.

It turns out that apparently Patricia and Vincent Foglia head the Advisory Board of the Foglia YMCA in Lake Zurich:

Branch Leadership | Foglia YMCA of Metro Chicago

Looking for a link between Ela Township and the Foglia YMCA, your LakeCountyEye found a Sun-Times story. Ela Township, last year, needed to break a long-term lease with the Foglia YMCA:

Ela Township previously had a 25-year lease with the Foglia YMCA for space it rented for its community room and OMNI offices, for which the Township paid $1.5 million in 1999. Since there is still time left on the lease, Ela Township will receive about $400,000 from the YMCA for the remaining portion. Trustee Jack Reck estimated the Township will also save about $300,000 in utility costs over 12 years.
Ela Community Center to open Monday

Ela Township was about half way into their 1999-2024 lease with the Foglia YMCA when they terminated it. Now your LakeCountyEye may be just a simple country accountant, but half of $1.5 million is not $400,000. It is closer to $750,000. Just sayin!

Note to operatives: you can't always hide from your voters how you choose to burn through spend their money. So it often pays to emphasize the utility costs that all those pork dollars are going to save you, the taxpayer.

But wait there's more: $1.5 million divided by 25 years means Ela Township was spending $60,000 every year to rent some space at the Foglia YMCA.

Now, your LakeCountyEye would be quite pleased to rent out the LakeCountyEye Compound on a $60,000 annual basis (plus utilitity costs and over a 25 year duration) for office and community use. Heck, your LakeCountyEye would settle for $50,000 $40,000 $30,000 $20,000 $15,000 -- final offer. But act soon. It's not too late for your LakeCountyEye to make that political contribution!

Q the Eye/03.09.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Where is all the pork-barrel money hiding in Lake County? Please reply soon, this is for a homework assignment that is due Monday.

Bags Under My Eyes

Dear Bag Man,

It's all hiding in plain sight -- just follow the money.

One place where your LakeCountyEye likes to look, especially close to an election, are Letters to the Editor. Here is a recent letter to the Daily Herald, selected at random:

On the night of the Feb. 26 snowstorm, I couldn't help but notice how well the roads were maintained in Ela Township. I think it is important that the Ela Township Highway commissioner, Bill Kruckenberg and his crew, receive the credit that is due. I saw a number of cars in the ditches but none of them on the unincorporated roads.
Derrek Pathmann
Praise for Ela Township roads

Hawkeyed operatives might wonder who would take the time to write a letter praising the unincorporated roads in Ela Township. As it turns out, the Ela Township Board -- including the Highway Commissioner -- is running for re-election in April and is being challenged by an independent slate. So your LakeCountyEye Googled Ela Township + Pathmann:

Google

Haha, it looks like Ela Township is throwing a lot of business in the direction of a Hawthorn Woods firm called Pathmann Construction Management, Inc., owned by Jeffery Pathmann. Google produced a slew of hits connecting Ela Township and Pathmann Construction. Here are a couple of Patch stories:

The Ela Township board recently approved a contract with Pathmann Construction Management, Inc. to oversee renovations at the post office building at 380 Surryse Road for a new community center.
Ela Township Approves Firm For Renovation Of New Community Center

The estimated cost of the project is expected to be around $200,000, 10 percent of which will be paid to Pathmann Construction Management, Inc., to cover overhead costs like permits, labor, dumpsters and other necessary equipment to move the project forward. An additional 5 percent of the total project cost will be paid to Pathmann Construction Management, Inc., to compensate them for their services.
Ela Township Approves Firm For Renovation Of New Community Center

The renovation project to transform the building was handled by Hawthorn Woods-based Pathmann Construction. In June 2011, the estimated figure to cover renovations for the new facility was $200,000. But when Pathmann came back to the board at its September 2011 meeting, the company stated the price tag nearly had tripled to $586,685 due to costs that came in higher than expected.
New Ela Township Community Center to Open Soon

(Note to ops: if you're in a competitive bidding situation, keep in mind that the job always goes to the lowest bidder.)

Now, according to MyLife.com the road-praising letter writer, Derrek Pathmann, 29, lives in Hawthorn Woods and is related to Jeffery Pathmann, 60:

MyLife.com

And LookupAnyone.com pretty much tells the same story:

LookupAnyone.com

Your LakeCountyEye can't think of an easier method to find out just where all of those tax dollars of yours are going!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Badboy

Haha, violence against women is no laughing matter. So your LakeCountyEye took note last week when 6th District Congressman Peter Roskam voted against the Violence Against Women Act -- VAWA.

It is noteworthy because Roskam has been assiduously courting the women's vote. His attentive efforts have been fruitful enough to earn him re-election to Congress on three occasions -- plus a much deserved sobriquet:

Lake County's Ladies Man in Washington

In fact your LakeCountyEye recalls Roskam gushing all over VAWA just a few months ago:

Ask Peter: The Violence Against Women Act

But that was back in the day. And before the 2012 election. Now that the 2012 election is over and Congress is back in session, Roskam was perhaps feeling confident enough to dump VAWA like a two dollar taco. Which he did.

Has Peter Roskam put in jeopardy his reputation as Lake County's Ladies Man? Despite this being the week of International Women's Day, your LakeCountyEye thinks not. They say women on a whole tend to be forgiving of their badboys. As long as he gives them some of his undivided attention every now and then, the ladies can be counted on to forgive his many faults. And after all, there will always be time to change him!

An Email-Order Marriage?

There is an old saying in Lake County:

"Do not ask for whom the wedding bell tolls, it tolls for thee ... provided the word thee means you are gay."

Haha, gay marriage is coming to Illinois, and by definition to Lake County, where everyone is all a tizzy. This weekend, it's looking like Pat Brady could lose his Chairmanship of the Illinois Republican Party, because he favors gay marriage. The news has woken TeamAmerica10th from his dogmatic slumbers, who is in a tizzy over ...

the issue of GOP Chairman Pat Brady, and the calls of several Committeemen from the Illinois GOP Central Committee to hold a special meeting to consider just what to do about Chairman Brady in light of his recent statements on single-sex marriage (SSM).
Escaping from the Illinois GOP Central Committee's Trick Box on Pat Brady

The Illinois Senate this week passed a bill legalizing gay marriage, which is making its way to the Illinois House, where some Republican members there are in a tizzy to boot.

Gay marriage is popular with the voters, and that creates a problem for suburban Republican legislators. Vote against the gay marriage bill and alienate your voters by tarnishing your finely-honed Moderate-Republican veneer. Or vote for the bill and enrage your radical base who will likely run someone against you in the next Republican Primary. Sort of like what they are about to do to Pat Brady. (Note to Aaron Lawlor: there may soon be an opening for Illinois Republican Party Chair.)

To illustrate the problem, one Lake County operative was surprised to receive an unsolicited email from their Representative in Springfield, with the subject line ...

Marriage Equality

(This operative tells your LakeCountyEye that they never contacted the Representative, who will go unnamed. And although they support Marriage Equality, it was not something high on this operative's agenda.)

From: ilhouse51@sbcglobal.net

Sent: 03/05/2013 1:00 PM

To: ***redacted***

Subject: Marriage Equality

 

Dear Neighbor:

Thank you very much for taking the time to contact my office to provide me with your feedback on an issue of concern to you and your family. I appreciate your input and will take your views into consideration when reviewing this issue.

I receive hundreds of email requests daily from constituents like you with questions and concerns on various issues and I wanted to respond to you in a timely manner. Please be advised that while this is an automatic response e-mail sent to everyone who contacts my office, I regularly review and compile constituent feedback on every subject and will follow-up with you via e-mail to inform you when further legislative action is taken on this issue and my vote on any relevant legislation.

As the 98^th General Assembly progresses please be assured that I thoroughly analyze each piece of legislation and consider the feedback I receive from interested constituents like you when determining my vote in support or opposition to a specific public policy proposal.

Please feel welcome to call my District Office at 847-566-5115 if you have any further questions or concerns. You can also stay informed of developments from Springfield by visiting my website at www.sullivan.ilhousegop.org or by joining my "Sullivan Spotlight" e-newsletter list. Thank you again for taking the time to contact me.

Sincerely,

Ed Sullivan
State Representative - District 51

This Legislator seems to have gotten ahead of the curve and may have already spammed his email-list with an unsolicited form-letter, just to let his voters know that he is thoroughly analyzing the merits of Marriage Equality. Note to ops: one doesn't come to enjoy a finely-honed Moderate-Republican veneer by accident.

Something tells your LakeCountyEye that this Legislator will not be voting in favor of a Marriage Equality Bill.

Rate Lake County Eye

Ever since a national business magazine rated it the ninth most miserable city in the world, Lake County has been pointing fingers and demanding answers. It is unclear how the magazine -- which will go unnamed -- arrived at the number #9 in particular. Your LakeCountyEye suspects the number was pulled out of their Forbes. At any rate, Lake County is asking: Why isn't there an official & authoritative rating service established, in lieu of these attention mongering charlatans?

Well there is one and it is situated right here in Lake County, as readers of this blog are recently aware:

Rate this Bloglomerate

Your LakeCountyEye refers of course to Lake County's newest rating web-service, Rate Lake County. Its mission is to rate Lake County, and with a methodology as rigorous as it is scientific. Local businesses, services, organizations, attractions are posted on the Rate Lake County website. And people can visit the website and post reviews.

Here, for instance, is a Rate Lake County review selected at random:

"If you like your local news served up in an insightful manner with a healthy does of wit and humor on the side this is the place to find it. I look forward to each new post, besides the unique perspective on local politics, I know I'm going to get at least a chuckle out of it and more often than not, I'll find myself laughing out loud. For those of you that don't follow local politics, check out Lake County Eye, I think you'll see why you should be and that it can be very entertaining."
Rate Lake County

This being a review of a web-blog, your LakeCountyEye did some research, and found it to be accurate & authoritative. The review is well-written and your LakeCountyEye would have been proud to be its author -- even though the reviewer did inexplicably give the superlative website in question an anemic rating of nine, on a scale of ten. No doubt this anonymous reviewer works at Forbes magazine.

Operatives are urged to go to Rate Lake County and post some more reviews. Before your LakeCountyEye does.

Rate this Bloglomerate

Your LakeCountyEye does not have a winner!

Operatives two weeks ago were challenged to identify a subliminal ad cleverly concealed somewhere on this blog ...

Psych!

Razzberries go to all the lackeyed operatives who spotted a Twinkie box. While a good guess, those Twinkies that appeared on this blog were in reality the result of a nasty Internet virus -- no doubt foisted upon freedom-loving bloggers by some ring of churls. Sort of like the same virus that embedded those Viagra and Cialis ads everyone was seeing on the McHenryCountyBlog a few months ago. At any rate, thanks for playing.

To be a lucky winner, you needed to scroll down the right column of this blog and look under Lake County Links for this blog's newest hyperlink ...

Rate Lake County

Your LakeCountyEye's featured destination website of the month ...

Rate Lake County is a place for local people to share their thoughts and advice about local businesses. Share what you know about local businesses and recommend your favorites. Take a few moments and write a review.
Rate Lake County

Rate Lake County is like an Angie's List, but just for Lake County, which makes it the perfect addition to your LakeCountyEye's allstar blogroll walk of fame. Or some junk to that effect.

Sharpeyed operatives may observe that your LakeCountyEye was, only 24 hours ago, hustling a different blog, CountyLeaks ...

Q the Eye/03.04.13

and they would be right. Operatives are challenged to guess the identity of the next blog to be assimilated by the LakeCountyEye Bloglomerate^®.

Q the Eye/03.04.13

Dear LakeCountyEye,

I am envious. Your blog picks up more scoops than a custodian at the elephant house. Who is leaking all of your stories?

Julian Assange

Dear Julian Assange (If That's Your Real Name),

This may come as a surprise to operatives, but Lake and Cook are not the only two Chicago-area counties. There are some other counties up here as well, with names like McHenry and DuPage. And on top of that, all of your LakeCountyEye's scoops come from one source ...

CountyLeaks

which is a blog that leaks stories about the funny business that goes on in those other counties -- like McHenry and DuPage. In other words, your LakeCountyEye's gumshoeing is all outsourced abroad. Haha, who would have guessed?

Now your LakeCountyEye consults the outstanding CountyLeaks so you don't have to. But that shouldn't stop sharpeyed operatives from seeing for themselves what they are getting away with in those other counties. In fact you are one click away -- there is a handy CountyLeaks link on the right column of this blog, look under Local Blogs of Note.

Operatives who visit CountyLeaks will immediately notice that they quote your LakeCountyEye on their masthead ...

Your LakeCountyEye is no doubt flattered. There are not, however, many, if any, hyperlinks to be found on CountyLeaks that crosslink back to this blog. Like the ones you see in column on the right here. That's probably to too much to hope for.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Brand X

Reeling after being branded America's 9th Most Miserable City in a peer-reviewed CDC confidential scientific survey -- and leaked by Forbes magazine -- Lake County is now pushing back with some re-branding of its own. According to the Sun-Times ...

A pair of Lake County towns are following an emerging trend and "branding" themselves as part of their economic recovery strategies. Experts say creating a brand that markets a product's — or now, a town's — positive features is a timeless business philosophy that only recently became a public sector tool. Mundelein and Lake Bluff are the newest Lake County suburbs trying this approach to attract new residents and businesses.
Local towns join 'branding' bandwagon

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that this is just the opening salvo of a long-term coordinated effort to make Lake County inhabitable once again. A high ranking but unnamed elected official recently told your LakeCountyEye: "Right now people call Lake County the Arm-Pit of Illinois. But if everything goes to plan, those same people will soon be calling Lake County the Six-Pack Abs of Illinois!"

The first phase of the plan, he told your LakeCountyEye, will be to re-brand every town and village in Lake County. Villages cannot easily be renamed -- that requires costly pre-approval from the International Star Registry. However they can be given some bitchin new town mottos. Here are ten, freshly vetted by an independent blue-ribbon County one man focus group:

New Municipal Mottos for Ten Lake County Villages

Antioch Rescue Me! Waukegan Come for the Casino Stay for the Snows Gurnee Stop (at the red light cameras) and Shop Buffalo Grove Just a Stone's Throw Away Long Grove Conveniently located under the Route 53 Extension Barrington Hills We Light Up the Night Highland Park A Park District second to none: Priceless For everything else, there's MasterCard Port Barrington Not your father's Fox River Valley Gardens Old Mill Creek A One Horse Town Island Lake A Community of Friendly People

Look for your LakeCountyEye working the lot at a used motto dealer near you.