Widow Makers

Don't be surprised one of these days if you're approached by some stranger eager to show what is hidden under his raincoat. That's because, haha, Lake County is all excited about their concealed carry. Ever since a Federal Court struck down Illinois's concealed carry laws, Lake County has been itching for the opportunity to possess a loaded firearm on or about their person in a manner wholly or partially covered by clothing or accessories -- in other words, totally gangsta-style.

The day may come soon. According to the Daily Herald, Springfield is up against a six month court-ordered deadline, and ...

Lt. Gov. Sheila Simon is inviting new lawmakers from across Illinois to work with her on a concealed carry law.
Lt. Gov. Forms Group to Discuss Concealed Carry

Sheila Simon (an honorary Lake County Democrat) is tasked with crafting legislation that legalizes concealed carry, but not at the expense of alienating Democratic constituents.

These sorts of thankless tasks are why Illinois has an elected Lieutenant Governor. But while thankless, this particular task is far from hopeless. Your LakeCountyEye suggests the Illinois legislature simply pass a law that allows elderly women and only elderly women to carry concealed weapons. In other words, only women of a certain age or older would get to carry concealed weapons -- and no one else. Written that way, Illinois gets a court-mandated concealed carry law that liberal crybaby Democrats can live with.

NRA card-toting operatives might object that a law that permits only elderly females to possess a concealed firearm unconstitutionally discriminates on a basis of both age and gender. But these sorts of discriminatory laws pass constitutional muster all the time -- a six-year-old, for instance, is not allowed to obtain a drivers license.

It can easily be demonstrated to a court that both males and youths are much more prone to violent behavior than are females and the elderly. And that allowing a male or young person to possess a concealed firearm would be like giving a drivers license to a six-year-old. It's simply a scientific fact!

Take it from your LakeCountyEye, who speaks from experience. Every local political blogger of note -- TeamAmerica10th, McHenryCountyBlog, Commonsense10th -- is either a male or non-elderly or both. And if they are anything like your LakeCountyEye they are walking powderkegs with little tiny heads on top and shorter fuses on the bottom. Are these the sort of people who should be allowed to carry a concealed weapon of deadly force? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not.

The devil of course is in the details. Just how old is an old lady? Advances in medicine and cosmetic surgery, make this difficult to pin down. So your LakeCountyEye recommends that any female who is old enough to receive Medicare gets to carry a concealed weapon. If you're not old enough or the wrong gender, well, it sucks to be you.

And with the threshold set at the age of Medicare eligibility, your LakeCountyEye anticipates that the NRA will be lobbying to get that age reduced down to six-year-olds. That would be a bonus for your LakeCountyEye who would finally be able to afford some decent healthcare! Operatives are urged to contact their legislators immediately with details of your LakeCountyEye's proposed Illinois Little Old Lady Concealed Carry Law.

The shorthand name of the bill is: the Illinois LOL Concealed Carry Law.