Spam Roast

Haha, you know your LakeCountyEye has run out of ideas when you see a single rumor about Mark Curran stretched out into a five-part story-arc all over this blog. A big part of the problem is that most story ideas published here are cadged from the McHenryCountyBlog. However, if Google is to be believed, it may not be safe to visit that blog, because ...

Google

... the McHenryCountyBlog site may be compromised.

Operatives who (out of desperation or foolhardiness or something) need to see the McHenryCountyBlog, are advised to observe some common-sense safety measures. It's always better to be safe than to be sorry -- who wants to download some yucky virus that may go viral on them? So be sure to disable your browser's scripting before visiting the McHenryCountyBlog.

For those operatives unfamiliar with the innards of their browser, it's easy to disable scripting. Here is how it's done on Internet Explorer:

1. Open the "Tools" menu.
2. Select "Internet Options", to open the Internet Options dialog box.
3. Click the "Security" tab.
4. Click the "Internet" symbol.
5. Click the "Custom Level" button, to open the Security Settings dialog box.
6. In the Settings list, scroll down to "Scripting".
7. Under Active Scripting, click the radio button to the left of "Disable", so that a coloured dot appears in it.
8. Click "OK" to close the Security Settings dialog box.
9. Click "Yes" in the Warning! message box.
10. Click "OK" to close the Internet Options dialog box.

Information about your Web browser
Enabling and disabling JavaScript

Instructions for other browsers are also available at the link above.

Once your scripting is disabled, you should be relatively safe to browse over to the McHenryCountyBlog ...

Pro-Life Pig Roast

When scripting is turned off, the hidden scripts on the McHenryCountyBlog are rendered as visible hyperlinks:

Be careful -- don't click any of those links!

It is unclear to your LakeCountyEye if this means the Viagra and Cialis was obtainable at the Pro-Life Pig Roast -- or for that matter, the Fast Cash Payday Loans?

Yet Still Even More Curran Events

If politics is show-business for ugly people, then one Lake County politician may be getting ready for his close-up. Haha, as readers of this blog are repeatedly aware ...

Still Even More Curran Events

Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran, after 2014, may not be Sheriff. The smart Lake County money is betting that Curran is shopping for some office other than Sheriff to run for in the next election. That money, however is divided over which office that might be:

• Legislative Office
  Curran lives in Senate, Rep and County Board districts all held by fellow Republicans: Dan Duffy, Ed Sullivan, Carol Calabresa. Unless there is a retirement or defection or something among these ranks, your LakeCountyEye would not expect to see Curran on the ballot for any of these offices.
  
  
• County Office
  Besides Sheriff, the 2014 ballot will include County Clerk, Treasurer and Superintendent of Schools. Your LakeCountyEye does not believe Curran is looking for a demotion, and does not expect to see him on the ballot for any of these offices.
  
  
• State Office
  All of the Constitutional offices are on the 2014 ballot: Illinois Governor, Lieutenant Governor, Attorney General, Secretary of State, Treasurer, Comptroller.
  
  
  • The offices of Treasurer & Comptroller are held by other Republicans and both require business and math skills. Your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Curran on the ballot for either of these offices.
    
    
  • As Secretary of State, Curran would have the bully pulpit to realize his dream to grant Illinois Drivers Licenses to undocumented immigrants. However, the current & popular Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White has said that he will run for another term; your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Curran on the ballot for Secretary of State.
    
    
  • There are probably already 50 guys who've publicly expressed an interest in running for Governor -- including defeated Congressman Joe Walsh and Peoria Congressman Aaron Schock. Your LakeCountyEye does not expect a Republican Gubernatorial Primary this cycle, as much as a Republican Gubernatorial Food-Fight. Curran would no doubt fit right in. This one may be too close to call, but your LakeCountyEye still does not look to see Curran on the ballot for Governor.
    
    
  • Of all the Constitutional positions, Curran is probably best qualified to be Lieutenant Governor. Not just anybody from Lake County can run for Lieutenant Governor -- your LakeCountyEye advises to keep an eye peeled for Curran's name next to this ballot spot.
    
    
  • Curran is an attorney, which is a big plus for any Attorney General candidate. And some observers were surprised that Curran did not run, this cycle, for Lake County State's Attorney. So, especially if current Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan does not run for re-election, your LakeCountyEye will be watching to see if Curran appears on the ballot for Attorney General.
  
  
• Federal Office
  Democratic Senator Dick Durbin will defend his seat; so expect only token opposition from a 2nd or 3rd tier Republican candidate. This makes Curran qualified for the slot, but your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Curran on the ballot for US Senate.
  
  Curran is in the 10th Congressional District, held by Republican Robert Dold -- oops, haha, soon to be held by Democrat Brad Schneider. If Dold does not try to regain the seat, your LakeCountyEye would be not surprised a bit to see Curran on the ballot for 10th District Congressman.

A tip o' the LakeCountyEye green eyeshade goes to CountyLeaks.

Still Even More Curran Events

You'll know things have come full circle when your LakeCountyEye doesn't have to explain who Reverse Spin is anymore. As readers of this blog are dizzily aware ...

Even More Curran Events

Wheaton based campaign consultants Reverse Spin LLC are now players in Lake County politics, as the campaign committee of Mark Curran recently contracted their services for $2500. Among Reverse Spin's former clients are GOP candidate for Illinois Attorney General & Lieutenant Governor, Joe Birkett; also former Illinois Attorney General and GOP candidate for Governor, Jim Ryan.

Curran's term as Lake County Sheriff ends in 2014; it is widely speculated that Sheriff Curran will hang up his stetson & spurs to run for a higher office. One does not send a down payment of $2500 to connected GOP consultants like Reverse Spin to run for County Dogcatcher Sheriff.

There are additional signs that Curran plans to flip-flop from being a County Sheriff to a post higher up the food chain.

Just a few years ago, Curran was making headlines like this one:

Friday, Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran popped back in the news on the illegal alien front. Pointing out that 20% of those in his jail were illegals, he complained that he did not yet have the power to send them to ICE for deportation. He applied for such authority 14 months ago, the first Illinois sheriff to do so. He said shipping them out would save over $4 million a year, according the the Chicago Tribune.
Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran Steps to the Fore Again

But nowadays, expect the typical Mark Curran headline to look more like this one:

Lake County sheriff: Illegal immigrants should get driver's licenses

Betraying one's Teaparty base for an opportunity instead to carry agua for the elefante is not a campaign strategy to get re-elected to Sheriff in Lake County. It is however smart politics if the goal is to run state-wide.

The consensus among the uninformed sources is that Mark Curran 2.0 will not be seeking re-election to the post of County Sheriff in 2014. Those same uninformed sources are divided, however, over which particular state-wide office is in Curran's sights.

Even More Curran Events

Always follow the money, your LakeCountyEye's mentor, Watergate informant code-named "Deep Throat", often said. In this case, money from his political committee sent Mark Curran, last August, to the Republican Convention in Florida. Curran, who is the Lake County Sheriff, was not a Convention delegate. And as readers of this blog are suspiciously aware ...

More Curran Events

it is unclear how Curran can have justified the trip as a campaign-related expense. Unless that reader happens to be your LakeCountyEye. The "D" in ...

D-2 Illinois Campaign Disclosure Form

must stand for Duh!, because Mark Curran's latest D-2 filing leaves a fairly obvious marker of the political goal he must have pursued in Florida:

Fewer than 30 days after the Republican Convention, Curran's PAC contracted the services of Reverse Spin LLC. Based in Wheaton, Reverse Spin are GOP political consultants whose past clients include Citizens to Elect Joe Birkett:

Expenditure List: Reverse Spin

For those operatives who don't get out of Lake County much, Joe Birkett is the former DuPage County State's Attorney who was the principal in the wrongful prosecution of Rolando Cruz. Birkett ran unsuccessfully for Attorney General in 2002 and unsuccessfully for Lieutenant Governor in 2006. Birkett was appointed Second District Illinois Appellate Court Judge in 2010.

Your LakeCountyEye can only dream to fail up in an impressive fashion like that. And who wouldn't? If this is Mark Curran's dream career glide-path as well, then it is easy to connect the dots and guess what may have happened last August in Florida.

Curran, in conversation with Illinois GOP heavyweights, may have made known his availability as a possible future state-wide candidate. And the aforementioned heavyweights, to a man, would have been all like: oh, absolutely ... but you need to first hire the guys at Reverse Spin to get you ready for the big leagues.

Haha, it could happen.

More Curran Events

No one, as readers of this blog are absently aware, knows why Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran was in Clearwater Florida last August:

Curran Events

... except Daily Herald top investigative journalist, Kerry Lester:

Greetings from the GOP convention! Following this morning's delegation breakfast and talks at the Sheraton Sand Key resort in Clearwater Beach, Illinois delegates and attendees have an unexpected "free day" as Monday's convention session was largely cancelled due to tropical storm Isaac. Kenilworth Rep. Bob Dold's family - his father Robert, mother Judy and sister Katherine, all say they're using the time to make fundraising phone calls for the 10th District congressman's re-election campaign against Democrat Brad Schneider of Deerfield.
Phone banking during convention downtime

While your LakeCountyEye took no calls from Dold family members, or for that matter from Mark Curran, it's pretty obvious that Curran must've been in Florida for the 2012 Republican National Convention.

The Florida trip, which by your LakeCountyEye's estimate cost nearly $850, was paid-for by Curran's political campaign committee, Friends of Mark Curran. Yet records indicate that Curran was not a convention delegate. And your LakeCountyEye doubts that Curran was there as a convention volunteer, performing red-cap duties.

Sheraton Sand Key Resort

Expenses drawn against an Illinois political committee have to be campaign related. So your LakeCountyEye naturally wonders what sort of political objectives did Mark Curran pursue to justify a trip to Florida?

Mitt Romney had named his VP candidate a month earlier, so Curran couldn't have been at the convention to throw his hat in the ring. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio was there from Arizona, but there is no indication that Curran met with "America's Toughest Sheriff" to talk shop.

One thing is known, there may have been an elephant in the room alongside the Illinois delegation to the Republican Convention. Your LakeCountyEye wishes to have been a fly on the floor wall there, that week.

Curran Events

Greetings from Clearwater Florida!

Now that Thanksgiving 2012 is in the record books, your LakeCountyEye is facing a long, protracted holiday weekend with nothing to do. Which makes for the perfect time to crack open a mystery or two -- your LakeCountyEye's favorite holiday diversion.

Your LakeCountyEye already solved one political mystery, as readers of this blog are astonishingly aware ...

Wishful Twinkies?

... regarding Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran's mysterious flip-flopping, like an asian carp, on his long-held positions toward illegal immigration.

This is also why your LakeCountyEye is blogging from Clearwater Florida -- well, actually paging through the website of the Sheraton Sand Key Resort:

Sheraton Sand Key Resort

Mark Curran, it seems, is a man of more than one mystery. Sharpeyed operatives have noticed that Curran's most recent D-2 campaign filing shows some unusual expenditures:

Reverse Nips

Observe the $300 expense for airline tickets. And then, a week later, there is a $540 expense for the flight's presumed destination: the Sheraton Sand Key Resort!

All of which explains why your LakeCountyEye is in Clearwater Florida -- well, actually visiting the Sheraton Sand Key Resort website. Your LakeCountyEye can report that the Sheraton in Clearwater looks to be a 100% classy place to stay. And your LakeCountyEye wouldn't object to spending an actual night or two at the Sheraton Sand Key Resort, particularly if someone else was paying for it. Curran's political contributors, Friends of Mark Curran, certainly got some good bang for their buck out of this deal.

But the mystery remains: Mark Curran is in Florida in August, and the trip is paid for by his PAC. What sort of political business could he have been pursuing all the way down there?

They say the trick to a good mystery is in the preparation. In the meantime your LakeCountyEye can be spotted in Clearwater Florida, looking for more clues.

Wishful Twinkies?

This was a melancholy Thanksgiving. As in years past, your LakeCountyEye prepared a Thanksgiving feast fit for any Cheetos-stained blogger:

• Twinkies
• Ho Hos
• Ding Dongs
• CupCakes
• Sno Cones
• Suzy Qs
• Donettes

... all presented on a bed of artisanal roasted chocolate Zingers. Small wonder Thanksgiving is only allowed once a year. With the demise of Hostess, however, this could also very well mark the demise of a treasured LakeCountyEye Thanksgiving tradition.

But there is hope. According to the HuffPo ...

Grupo Bimbo, a Mexican company that is the world's largest bread baker, might hold the key to saving the Twinkie from extinction in a Hostess liquidation. Though other companies have shown interest in buying some of Hostess' iconic brands, Bimbo might have the inside track ...
Bimbo & Twinkies: Mexican Mega Bakery May Save Brands From Hostess Liquidation

Too good to be true? Perhaps, but if so this would answer one of the enduring mysteries of recent Lake County politics.

As readers of this blog are confusedly aware ...

Viva Lake County

Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran last week pulled a complete one eighty and totally reversed his high-profile stance on illegal immigration. According to the Daily Herald, Curran is now ...

backing proposed legislation that would allow illegal immigrants to get driver's licenses, saying it's an economic imperative for our financially struggling state. "We need them to be getting to work," Curran said. "We need them to have driver's licenses."
Lake County sheriff: Illegal immigrants should get driver's licenses

Naturally, Curran's stand does not sit well with the GOP rank and file. Of the more than 150 comments posted on the Herald story, your LakeCountyEye estimates that most break against Curran, by approximately a factor of eleventy billion to one.

News-Sun

Hence the enduring mystery: What is Curran up to?

Well ... just suppose the Mexican conglomerate Grupo Bimbo does acquire the Hostess product-line. That would effectively bust the Hostess Bakery Union. And suppose they began manufacturing Twinkies again in Chicago. How are all of those non-union new hires supposed to get to work?

If there is any mystery to what Curran is up to, it should be as plain as a slice of Wonder Bread. As to the LakeCountyEye Thanksgiving tradition, look for many more feasts over the years to come. It's either that or it is the LakeCountyEye blood glucose that's been talking.

Happy Black Thursday!

LakeForest-LakeBluff PatchThanksgiving in Lake County is a time to pause and reflect. A time to pause because the 2012 Election was over and done more than two weeks ago, already. And a time to reflect on the fact that those nominating petitions for the 2013 Primary need to be filed within five weeks, by December 24, Christmas Eve.

And in between all the electoral deadlines, Lake County has much to be thankful for, on this Thanksgiving. Lake County is thankful that it is not McHenry County. That's because in an era of rapid climate change, McHenry County is 55% agricultural, as well as home to a comparable percentage of global warming deniers. Be sure to tell everyone how that economic model is working out for you guys, in another year or two.

Also, because of far-seeing County officials, Lake County is thankful for its economic base of 21st Century manufacturing and high-tech employers -- who were lured here, at taxpayer expense, with promises of free land and generous tax credits. Like, for instance, Motorola over in Libertyville.

But not prone to take Thanksgiving lying down, your LakeCountyEye has taken the opportunity to ask Lake County what it is thankful for. And having responded, Lake County is thankful for many, many things, too numerous to mention. Acutally, it's closer to ten of them:

Ten Things to be Thankful for in Lake County on this Thanksgiving, 2012

Video Gambling Banty Rooster Congressmen Princess Nudelman The Antioch Rescue Squad The Route 53 Extension Island Lake Rubber Stamp County Commissions Mundelein Free Range Chicken Ranches Thugs & Goons Trucked Up from Chicago Racine Wisconsin Visitor & Hospitality Bureau

Look for your LakeCountyEye again next Thanksgiving, phoning it in, again.

Viva Lake County

When you see Sheriff Mark Curran's finger in the air, you know the political winds are changing in Lake County. Curran has been observed flip-flopping triangulating all over his political loyalties again; in this case, the winds are blowing out of the south, from down under -- and not from Australia but from places like Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba.

The big story from the 2012 election was Sam Yingling's upset victory over State Rep Candy Cole. Some, including Rich Miller, cite the Latino vote as contributing to Yingling's win:

The 62nd House District, where Democrat Sam Yingling upset Rep. Sandy Cole (R-Grayslake) has a Latino voting-age population of 22 percent. Yingling defeated Cole by 10 percentage points in a district drawn to elect a Republican. Yingling worked very hard for months, and Cole simply didn't, but the Latino vote was obviously crucial.
Latinos are now a major force in Illinois

Well, the voting machines are not even cold yet, and already Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran is telling the News-Sun and other newspapers that he thinks undocumented workers should be eligible for state-issued drivers licenses:

Curran also said that ensuring licensing of all drivers will save lives. "I've driven in Mexico — of course we have immigrants from all over — but they don't have the same rules of the road and it is more dangerous."
Lake County sheriff gets on board licensing undocumented drivers

For operatives who have been out of town on hiatus, this is the same Sheriff Mark Curran who, just a few years ago, was seeking deportation powers for his deputies. According to a 2008 Chicago Tribune story, Curran ...

released the results of an audit that showed a fifth of his jail population is undocumented and pressed for the power to deport them. In the process, he took shots at Cook County, Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and politicians in Springfield and Washington for not doing the same. "The city of Chicago as well as the state of Illinois have shown little interest in cooperating with ICE [Immigration and Customs Enforcement]," Curran said. Later, he added: "Throw the bums out of Springfield and Washington but treat the illegal immigrants with love and respect." Fourteen months ago, Curran applied for certification in the federal 287(g) program, which gives local law enforcement officials deportation powers under Immigration and Customs supervision.
Lake County sheriff continues push for power to deport undocumented immigrants
Curran blasts Daley, Cook County and Washington over lack of deportation efforts

Haha, those were the days, when the Teaparty ruled the roost. Your LakeCountyEye remembers them like they were just yesterday.

Note to operatives, invest your 401(k) money in a Libertyville windfarm: cf. above, the shifting political winds of Lake County.

Manic Suppression

The holiday shopping season got an early start in Lake County, where large numbers of urban-area voters showed up at the polls on election day, to collect their big gifts.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye has been told that systemic voter fraud runs pandemic, particularly in places like Waukegan and North Chicago. In response to the crisis, a well coordinated effort was launched to inhibit Lake County voters from exercising their right to enfranchisement: poll watchers contested legitimate voters; acceptable forms of ID were challenged; confused election judges made poor decisions and long lines; voters were sent to the wrong polling places. Judges were instructed by the Lake County Clerk's office to only issue a provisional ballot to voters who had requested an absentee ballot -- even though Illinois law allows any voter who produces their absentee ballot to cast a regular ballot.

Despite heroic efforts like these, Lake County witnessed its two sitting Congressmen bounced out of office and onto the scrapheap of history -- including Robert Dold, who lost by just a mite.

Note to operatives: defenders of good government are not taking this set-back lightly and are already testing new, sure-fire methods for suppressing the vote in Lake County. Ten of them, for those of you who are counting:

Ten Better Ways to Suppress Lake County Voter Turnout in the Next Election

Recruit your election judges from the ranks of the Antioch Rescue Squad. Require voters to submit a DNA sample to the Lake County State's Attorney office. Notify voters that the election has been postponed until the Juneteenth of Misremember. Construct Lake County Roundabouts between voter's homes and their polls. Poll tacks. Hire the Dupage County Election Commission to run the election. Strike the election from the County budget; it's just another costly, unfunded big government mandate anyways. Schedule the election on futbol night. Spread a rumor that the video gaming machines at the polling places will be unplugged on election day. Hold the election in Racine, Wisconsin.

Look for your LakeCountyEye on a provisional ballot near you.

Reverse Nips

Haha, an actual lede to an actual Daily Herald story:

Reverse Spin has spun its final news release for the DuPage County Election Commission. After handling media inquires for the commission for several years, the Wheaton-based public relations firm on Thursday notified the commission it didn't want to renew its agreement with the agency.
DuPage Election Commission, public relations firm part ways

For those operatives under home detention, DuPage County is south of Lake County. To get an idea of what DuPage County is like, imagine McHenry County back when before the Dick Tracy Museum closed down. And now imagine that instead of the Dick Tracy Museum it was home to Argonne National Laboratory and Fermilab.

No doubt a source of constant envy up here in Lake County, DuPage County has its own election commission, the DuPage County Election Commission. The DuPage County Election Commission has its own governing board, which has its own recent scandal, which precipitated its own mass resignation. All of which may explain why it had its own PR consultants, Reverse Spin:

The decision to hire Reverse Spin was made by previous members of the election panel, all of whom were ousted in April after a consultants' report found poor ethics and procurement practices at the commission. The former board members wanted to have a spokesman to manage the message coming out of the agency, officials said.
DuPage Election Commission, public relations firm part ways

Their work apparently done, Reverse Spin is with the DuPage Election Commission no longer. They did however bounce back quickly with $2500 received in September from the Friends of Mark Curran:

Friends of Mark Curran D-2 Quarterly Report 7/1/2012 to 9/30/2012

Your LakeCountyEye wonders if Reverse Spin will be able to deliver for Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran what they delivered for the DuPage Election Commission?

Get a Double Room!

If Marni Pyke & Kerry Lester weren't in their cups this week, they could've fooled your LakeCountyEye. The two Daily Herald reporters single handedly gave big promotions to two Lake County Congressmen.

The lucky recipient of Lester's largess is Eighth District Congressman (and lame duck) Joe Walsh, who hereupon is to be the next Governor of Illinois:

What about a bid for governor for you? A possibility?
Joe Walsh for governor in 2014?

While the object of Pyke's attentions, Sixth District Congressman (and ladies man) Peter Roskam, is henceforth the future Speaker of the House:

But then you never know. Congressman Dennis Hastert's promotion from chief deputy whip to speaker came out of the blue.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?

Uninformed sources inform your LakeCountyEye that Roskam and/or handlers charmed the impressionable Pyke with blandishments that ranged from the illusory:

Some think that Roskam could be a contender for chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee, of which he is a member.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?

... to the deceitful:

Despite a gerrymandered district crafted to favor Democrat challenger Leslie Coolidge, Roskam sailed to victory with 59 percent of the vote.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?

Pyke blithely disclosed these dubious statements as facts -- some speculate from under the thrall of Roskam's considerable wealth and status:

Armed with a considerable war chest, he also poured money into other congressional campaigns.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?

It's a truism in political reportage: It pays for journalists to work their sources. But it also pays for candidates to work their mouthpieces. Their combined efforts were good enough to earn both Daily Herald reporters this week's Get a Room!™ award.

Your LakeCountyEye Get a Room!™ competition is open to any MSM reporter, or tag-team combo, for whom objectivity and journalistic balance is neither a prerequisite nor an impediment to a story.

Close Enough for Governor Work

Is there any doubt that your LakeCountyEye is the opinion leader -- nonpareil -- for all things political in Lake County? No sooner had your LakeCountyEye published this totally made up unconfirmed rumor about Congressman Joe Walsh ...

one glimmer of hope is an upcoming 2014 Republican Primary, featuring at least one Senatorial or Gubernatorial candidate named Joe Walsh.
Democracy 1, Comedy 0

than the Daily Herald was all over it like banty on a rooster:

Q. What about a bid for governor for you? A possibility?

A. You know that I believe fervently in that vision. I don't know of many other candidates who articulate that vision. Am I going to do something? Oh gosh, I don't know. People approach me every day and ask, "Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?" I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this. I'd rather go down fighting. Democrats have ruined this state but they've been able to do it because the Republicans have allowed them to.
Joe Walsh for governor in 2014?

Joe Walsh is holding them close to the vest, here -- but by the time the interview is over the Herald is all like they caught him already measuring the drapes for the Governor's mansion.

Note to operatives: When you're trolling for a story where there isn't one, it may pay to remember the timeless advice of one oldtime Chicago op:

Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood and probably will not themselves be realized.
Daniel Burnham

Now, does anyone really care who is running for Governor? That's not happening until, when, like in 2014 sometime? There must be 50 better, more inciteful, leading questions that the Herald could have dropped on Walsh. Your LakeCountyEye can think of at least 10 of them, right off the bat:

Ten Questions that His Career Counsellor May Ask Joe Walsh

What about a bid for Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court for you? A possibility? What about a bid for President of the United States for you? A possibility? What about a bid for President of Afghanistan for you? A possibility? What about a bid for Dark Lord of the Sith and Emperor of the Galactic Empire for you? A possibility? What about a bid for Local News Weather Anchor for you? A possibility? What about a bid for Chief of the Antioch Rescue Squad for you? A possibility? What about a bid for Venture Capitalist for you? A possibility? What about a bid for Ambassador to the Cayman Islands for you? A possibility? What about a bid for Father's Rights Attorney for you? A possibility? What about a bid for Celebrity Apprentice for you? A possibility?

Look for your LakeCountyEye toting a yardstick into a carpet & drape shop near you.

Democracy 1, Comedy 0 The Recount

The Lake County GOP was handed their lunch, this election cycle, and it didn't come in a Chick-Fil-A sack. As readers of this blog are woefully aware ...

Democracy 1, Comedy 0

The Juggernaut known as Barack Obama steamrolled not only the nation but Lake and every other suburban County as well.

Well, almost. As reported by the Daily Herald, not only did Pres. Obama lose in McHenry County he lost big:

McHenry County voters were the only ones in the suburbs to rebuff the president, voting for Republican challenger Mitt Romney overwhelmingly. In 2008, Obama swept all of the suburban counties. "In McHenry County, people were angry when George Bush was president, and they were looking for change in 2008, but this time they were scared," said state Rep. Mike Tryon of Crystal Lake, who is also chairman of the county's Republican Party.
GOP tries to regroup after suburbs go for Obama again

This should not be surprising. McHenry County is home to more than its share of conservative lions -- Cal Skinner, Nick Provenzano, Jack Franks, to name a few. An even more eye-opening statistic: every GOP candidate that won in Lake County won in a district that overlaps into McHenry County:

• Randy Hultgren Elected
  Hultgren, an undertaker, passed over to an easy victory largely aided by a sizable turnout from the cemetery vote.
  
  
• Dan Duffy Elected
  The secret gameplan, your LakeCountyEye has been told, is to shrink the Illinois Republican Senate delegation down to a size where even a State Senator of Dan Duffy's caliber can get elected minority leader. As of this election cycle, Duffy's odds stand at a very respectable nineteen to one.
  
  
• Village of Island Lake Proposition
  to Determine Whether to
  Appoint or Elect the Village Clerk
  • YES
  • NO
  (Vote For 1)
  
  Only 1?
  Lake County Clerk
  
  
• Peter Roskam Elected
  An early advocate of the Republican anti-women legislative agenda, Roskam quickly rose to Deputy Whip in the US House. And by convincing voters that he is an advocate of women's rights, Roskam easy wins re-election. Having no equal among peers, Peter Roskam is the Lake County ladies man.
  
  
• David McSweeney Elected
  Joe Walsh will be departing, leaving behind some big shoes to fill. And not just any pair of big shoes, but laughably big shoes. Your LakeCountyEye suspects that McSweeney may be the big man to fill them.

Without any doubt, McHenry County is the Lake County GOP's firewall. For your LakeCountyEye's money, the Route 53 Extension ought to be built right along the McHenry & Lake County border -- the same historic border, by the way, that centuries ago was the original Mason-Dixon Line. The barbarians may be at the gate, but your LakeCountyEye has seen the future of GOP politics in Lake County and its name is McHenry County.

Democracy 1, Comedy 0

If there is any silver lining to the Democrats's big win Tuesday night, it's that had your LakeCountyEye needed a morning after pill on Wednesday, they would've been still legal. It seemed like your LakeCountyEye had been legitimately raped by the election polls.

Your LakeCountyEye woke this morning to a political landscape bulldozed flatter than real estate specially re-zoned for the DiMucci family. Where there had once been plenty of fertile political comedy that practically wrote itself, your LakeCountyEye now looks ahead to a bleak prospect of having to dig up, cultivate and report on actual stories. There was nothing funny about the 2012 election results.

Here is the unfunny, in order of comedic relevance:

• Joe Walsh Defeated
  Say it ain't so, Joe. The one glimmer of hope is an upcoming 2014 Republican Primary, featuring at least one Senatorial or Gubernatorial candidate named Joe Walsh.
  
  
• Mitt Romney Defeated
  Perhaps nowhere other than Lake County would just mentioning President Willard "Mitt" Romney be enough to get a laugh.
  
  
• Sid Mathias Defeated
  Your LakeCountyEye only got one opportunity to use this photo:

  

  Now to be seen exclusively on the dustheap of history.
  
  
• Robert Dold Defeated
  They won't have EllenOfTheTenth to kick around any more.
  
  
• Sandy Cole Defeated
  This is actually a win for readers of this blog, who shall be spared the gratuitous (or two) "Hurricane" Sandy Cole joke.
  
  
• Suzi Schmidt Restraining Order Extended Six Months
  Nuff said.

In this grim, new political landscape that is Lake County, don't expect to see your LakeCountyEye much of anywhere. Except maybe barreling down the Route 53 Extension, looking for some laughs.

Red Alert!

The national polls all agree on one thing: while the race for President may be tighter than a Blarney Island speedo, back home in Illinois Barack Obama enjoys a insurmountable lead over Mitt Romney.

Anyways, that may be what the Chicago politicians down in Springfield want everyone to believe. But if your LakeCountyEye knows anything, there is only one poll that matters on election day. And that would be ...

Can ties predict the political landscape for 2012?
Solid Color Neckties intends to find out! We're tracking sales of Republican Red, Democrat Blue, and Compromise Striped (for all you swing voters out there) tie sales to try and predict the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election.
Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions

As readers of this blog are smartly aware, there is one Mundelein clothing merchant with the inside scoop on this election's outcome ...

Q the Eye/11.03.12

The latest results of their 2012 Necktie Poll are startling. Not only is Illinois not blue but it is not purple or even pink. On the map below, Illinois is Republican red! Operatives are urged to click the map to see for themselves. Romney is on the cusp of an upset landslide win in Illinois.

Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions

For those naturally skeptical, your LakeCountyEye notes that the Solid Color Neckties Poll has accurately predicted every Presidential election since 2011. Which national pollster can match a claim like that? Harris? Roper? Nielsen? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not.

The poll sends a mixed election day signal to operatives. The news is bad for Democrats: You're going to have to work your polls on Tuesday, else you'll see your candidate lose in his home state. But for Republicans the news couldn't be better: All your hard work paid off. Stay home on Tuesday, take the day off -- you deserve it.

Dunn Deal

Haha there is no truth to the rumor that your LakeCountyEye was married, back in the 70s, to Chicago actress Nora Dunn. Nonetheless your LakeCountyEye was pleasantly surprised to see the former SNL star in a campaign video that takes direct aim at Lake County Congressman, and ladies man, Peter Roskam:

Nora Dunn Endorsement Oct2012

Operatives of a certain age may recall that your LakeCountyEye was also something of the ladies man, back in the day.

Note to Peter Roskam: If you need the word on the very lovely Ms. Dunn, give your LakeCountyEye a call. And if you're still looking for that wingman, your LakeCountyEye has your back.

Q the Eye/11.03.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Who do I contact about a product placement? I understand that your blog is Lake County's premier destination for marketing my political goods or services from within a neutral, embedded context. Furthermore can you immediately send a rate card, and should I act now before it's too late?

Reeses Pieces

Dear Reeses Pieces (if that's your real name),

Right you are. According to Wikipedia ...

Product placement, or embedded marketing, is a form of advertisement, where branded goods or services are placed in a context usually devoid of ads, such as movies, music videos, the story line of television shows, or news programs. Traditionally the product placement is not disclosed at the time that the good or service is featured.
Product placement

The election is Tuesday and it couldn't be closer in Illinois. A razor-thin statistical dead-heat is all that separates Obama from Romney. This means you have only 3 days left to see your message discretely embedded alongside your LakeCountyEye's non-stop live-blogging of the 2012 Election.

To make things easy, just fill out this easy-to-fill-out form:

Dearest Beloved, Fellow Blogger, Hello Barney,

I am Mrs. Zaniab Al-Kharafi from Nigeria. A widow to late Nasser Al-Kharafi. I am decided to donate what I have to charity through you. You may be wondering why I chose you. But someone has to be chosen. I discovered your website a few months ago and have grown to be a big fan. I look forward to reading it every day. I've been enjoying reading your blog, Lake County Eye. It has a wealth of high quality (and often humorous) insight into local politics and national politics with a local angle.

I have been touched to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to charity for the good work of humanity, rather than allow my in-laws who neglected me after my husbands death. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the fact that my in-laws are around me, monitoring to know if I still have any of my husbands property. I am writing because I can help you attract the volume of traffic that your website deserves. No matter what you are selling, I know how to send targeted visitors to your website! Solid Color Neckties, a national tie retailer based in Mundelein is attempting to predict the election by tracking tie purchases on their website. They're offering Republican red ties, Democrat blue ties, and "Compromise" red and blue striped ties. Their website includes an interactive US map that shows a breakdown of tie purchases by state.

If you can sincerely use this fund for charity then I will wait for your reply. Only reply if you can receive this fund and use it for charity. This software is perfect for bringing real traffic to your site... even if... it's an affiliate link where you have no control over the website content! Contact me immediately for full details. As a blog specializing in national and local Lake County politics, I couldn't help but think this would be a light-hearted, entertaining and related link to include on your site. With its local angle, I think it's an interesting little project your readers will get kick out of: Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions Have a great day and I look forward to hearing back from you!

Check the appropriate boxes, clip out the form, then send to:

LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

You will not be disappointed when you discover your product or service discretely embedded alongside the guaranteed 100% erudite content of this blog. Don't take your LakeCountyEye's word on it. You probably did not notice but a local product or service has been discretely embedded in this very post!

Haha, act now before it's too late.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

The Elimination Ballot

Early voting ends early this year in Illinois this Saturday, on November 3. Early indications indicate that early voting was an overnight success in Lake County. Your LakeCountyEye has learned that every registered voter in Lake County has already cast a ballot at an early voting site; the only voters now expected at the polls on election day -- November 6 -- are the crickets.

Early voting has become so popular with the voters that even Lake County Clerk Willard Helander seems to have been caught a day late and a dollar short. According to the Pioneer Press ...

"Some of the judges are saying they can't even get a drink of water or go to the bathroom," said Helander, who believes the heavy traffic is due to a shorter time frame this year.
Shorter early-voting period keeps judges hopping

Haha, some anonymous headline writer has an eye for spotting a nutgraf! Your LakeCountyEye contacted the Pioneer Press and learned that ten other headlines were considered but rejected, before settling on their gem:

Shorter early-voting period keeps judges hopping

Here they are, like they were ripped from today's headlines:

Ten Rejected Headlines for that News Story About Lake County Clerk Willard Helander's Election Judges Who Don't Get Enough Bathroom Time

Early Voting in Lake County Flush with Success Election Judges Bowled Over by Early Voters Voters Complain About Lack of Paper Ballots Overflow Crowds Expected at Early Voting Locations Voters Asked to Choose 5 North Shore Sanitary District Trustees County Clerk Complains: "Insult Added to Injury" County Government Serves as the Lavatory of Democracy Disoriented Voter Mistakes Voting Booth for Water Closet Ballots Spoiled Burial Services for Princess Nudelman to be Conducted at Early Voting Site Racine Wisconsin Voters Expect Harassment to Cease During Illinois Early Voting Period Tanks for Voting!

Look for your LakeCountyEye this weekend, dropping lit.