Splitsville

As raps go, everyone is watching to see if Michael Jackson's doctor will beat it. And now with Abbott Labs in the news, is it any wonder that Lake County is in the grips of prescription drug fever? As reported in the News-Sun ...

Abbott Laboratories, Lake County's largest private employer, announced Wednesday it plans to separate into two publicly traded companies, one in diversified medical products, the other in research-based pharmaceuticals.
The big split: Abbott to spin off into two public companies

The restructuring, your LakeCountyEye has learned, was motivated by a desire to erect a legal firewall between Abbott's research and business operations. Or maybe it was to realize substantial savings in taxes. Or maybe some other corporate related junk, but what's important is the spin-offs are a convenient premise for another LakeCountyEye bit.

Your LakeCountyEye has learned that Abbott is not an isolated case -- Lake County will experience ten other spin-offs in the near future. No two ways about it, here are ten of them:

Ten More Divisions to Watch for in Lake County

The Millburn Strangler will be separated into the Millburn Headlock and the Millburn Chokehold. Libertyville will be partitioned into Equalityville and Fraternityville. The Route 53 Extension will be divided into Route 53. And the Extension. High School biology classes will now divide their time between teaching intelligent design and young earth creationism. Abbott is also splitting up with Costello. Every game at Fielder Stadium is now a double header. The Daily Herald vows not to endorse political candidates who double-dip. The Park City Casino will be splitting all pots. Joe Walsh will be dividing his time between seeking re-election and seeking re-election. The Zion Nuclear Plant will be splitting more atoms. Ha Ha Psych!

Enough of this. Your LakeCountyEye has a splitting headache.