Petition Competition

Candidates, in case you've forgotten, the first day to submit your nominating petitions is Oct 26 -- this upcoming Monday. The last day to submit your petitions is the subsequent Monday, Nov 2. But take it from your LakeCountyEye, no candidate wants to wait until the last day to submit their petitions. Of course you lose an opportunity to be first on the ballot. But more importantly, nothing says election-day-flounder to the big-money donors like a candidate who schleps into the filing office at five minutes to closing with a paper sack of unnotarized petitions. If you don't yet have your 5000 or 500 or 50 or 5 -- as the case may be -- signatures of registered voters, the clock is ticking!

Since this is the final week of the petition period, and as a service to the reader, these are your LakeCountyEye's 10 most important FAQs about petitions:

1) You must be a registered voter to sign. Registered beer lover? Sorry.

2) Signing a candidate's petition does not obligate you to vote for the candidate. However said candidate now does have your name and address.

3) Technically you are not permitted to sign a candidate's petitions more than once. Oh as if.

4) For those who prefer not to sign someone's petition, learn this phrase: Parlez-vous français?

5) Texting your signature is not allowed.

6) Do not sign a Petition to Undress for Grievance without reading the fine print.

7) Carpal-tunnel sufferers: petition signers can now file an OSHA claim.

8) You are not expected to tip the petition holder.

9) If the petition holder offers to tip you, take the money and run.

10) You are permitted to sign as Hugh Jass only if your name is Hugh Jass.

As for your LakeCountyEye, plans are in place to spend the weekend ensconced at the LakeCountyEye compound, safe from the entreaties of the horde of desperate candidates vying for your LakeCountyEye's JohnHancock. Signing out!