Frosty Fest

Frosty Fest

Out on the Lawn there Arose a Clatter

A not so subtle reminder that Dec 25 is fast approaching, the question-of-the-day will test your knowledge of Santa's gift shop:

Q: Why do Santa's elves use red tape?

A: To keep their pants from falling down.

HaHa. Coincidentally, red tape is why Santa's cargo carrier will not be landing at the Waukegan Airport on Christmas. The Waukegan Airport wants to get its hands on Lake County Forest Preserve land to build a new 7000 ft runway. But so far its hands are tied. They blame it all on FAA "red tape":

The Waukegan National Airport's project to build a new runway in the northern part of the city remains as unresolved this December as it did last December because it cannot move forward until the FAA issues the draft environmental assessment and a public hearing occurs.
Waukegan airport runway project remains in limbo; 'There is just unbelievable red tape'

Coincidentally, red tape is how forest preserve trees will be flagged ...

... for being chopping down. By the Waukegan Airport. So the plutocrats can land their jumbo-jets there.

The end.

Out of Tinley Air

An actual unretouched screenshot of the lead story from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

What's a Tinley Park? Nobody knows.

To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked the man-in-the-street:

"The bourbon capital of the World."

Pete Hegseth, Malingerer

"That's where I go to get my truss adjusted."

Kash Patel, Haitian Immigrant

 

"I don't know, maybe one of those made-up towns from The Onion?"

Tulsi Gabbard, Unemployed Suburban Mom

 

Your LakeCountyEye has a feeling you're not in Lake County any more.

Oh For Pete's Sake

The question of the day will test your knowledge of current events.

Q: Pete Hegseth has not yet withdrawn his nomination for US Defense Secretary. How much alcohol does Hegseth consume in a day?

A: One hogshead.

HaHa.

After Pete Hegseth becomes Secretary of Defense the Army is expected to announce a new class of armored fighting vehicle: Drunk Tanks

Hegseth would be uniquely positioned to manage the Pentagon. Compared to a typical office building, the Pentagon has more corners to pee in.

After his confirmation. Hegseth will visit the Great Lakes Naval Station. He will ask the Admiral about the size of the sailor's daily rum ration. The Admiral will say "Mr Secretary, there hasn't been a rum ration since before 1863." Hegseth will say "OK, I can come back then."

US soldiers may be deployed to enforce the mass deportations that Donald Trump has promised. Lake County could be a target:

Column: The unknown about Trump’s plans rapidly coming into focus

Pete Hegseth is all on-board with the idea: "We can buy everyone a bottle of tequila to keep them happy. Calm down, I'm talking about the soldiers."

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Bottoms up.

Doobious Achievements

The year-end holiday slog is now on the final stretch, a time traditionally celebrated in verse:

The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

Sugar-Plums must have been a brand name for cannabis gummies, back then? Something has to explain all the hallucinations:

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment he must be St. Nick.

In related news, the Village of Mundelein.

Did you know that Mundelein was the first local municipality to host a medical cannabis dispensary after they became legal? And that Mundelein hosts an annual outdoor cannabis festival? Read about it in the Daily Herald:

Could a second pot dispensary be headed to Mundelein?

Operatives are asked to make up their own joke here.

Holiday Lights

Holiday Lights

The War of the Roses

Fed up with the deep state bossing you around? Don't secede from the State of Illinois. Relocate instead to Barrington Hills -- a Libertarian's paradise, at least according to the Village website:

A community low in legislation and high in property rights, Barrington Hills residents can indulge their passions and interests at home.
Barrington Hills is a Community Where Landowners Determine How They Enjoy Their Land

Barrington Hills is also the only local Chicagoland community where a resident can apply to build a shooting range or a sporting clays course on their own property.
Large Properties Create Endless Possibilities

Barrington Hills is clearly that low-in-legislation, high-in-property-rights kind of place where your passions can run wild.  Is your passion a shooting range? Then build a shooting range. Is your passion a pick-your-own flower farm? Then build a pick-your-own flower farm.

HaHa, j/k.

If you build a pick-your-own flower farm in Barrington Hills, the Village will serve you with a cease-and-desist order:

Little Ducky Flower Farm might have become too big for its own good. Its online popularity recently caught the attention of Barrington Hills officials and some residents who demanded the pick-your-own flower operation be shut down. Barrington Hills residents Chris Yamamoto and his wife Sarah Gul are fighting to maintain the farm's operations and contend they merely want to engage with the community and share their passion for flowers and agriculture. However, they are encountering resistance from village officials, the zoning board of appeals and some residents who argue the commercial operation compromises the village's residential character. In May, the village ordered the farm to cease operations
Barrington Hills couple faces uphill battle to keep flower farm open to public

One neighborhood watchdog told your LakeCountyEye: "That's not going to fly in Barrington Hills, unless you give your visitors a firearm and then call it a shoot-your-own flower farm."

When Comedy was King

Provided there is such a thing, your LakeCountyEye's eyeteeth were cut on the Saturday morning cartoons. Who amongst you wasn't glued to the set early every weekend, laughing at the outrageous antics of your favorite cartoon buffoons?

The cartoon buffoon, like the animated cartoon, is an only-in-America invention. He has been in circulation since from back when a five cent exploding cigar cost only a nickel.

To celebrate the cartoon buffoon, your LakeCountyEye has tracked his evolutionary history:

Wellington J Wimpy


Elmer J Fudd


Bullwinkle J Moose


Homer J Simpson


Stimpson J Cat


Sheldon J Plankton


Donald J Trump

Now, that's entertainment!

The Profit is Not Honored in its Own County

All those FEMA conspiracy theories are true! The red hurricane tsunami of 2024 flushed a boatload of Lake County Republican candidates into office -- and it was fueled by dollars from Lake County moneybags, Richard Uihlein.

HaHa, j/k. Every Lake County incumbent was re-elected. And all that Uihlein cash went south into DuPage County:

Doug Truax has nurtured small, politically conservative groups based in west suburban Downers Grove into a sprawling empire of organizations pushing far right agendas and election denialism — buoyed by contributions of more than $150 million from Illinois' Richard Uihlein, one of the country's biggest Republican donors.
Powerful suburban Chicago political operation fueled by Uihlein money spends millions on far right causes

Was any of that money spent on Lake County Republican candidates? Nobody knows. One thing is certain, if any Uihlein greenbacks found their way into the pocket of a Lake County GOP candidate, it didn't help. And if, on the other hand, Uihlein stiffed all his home-team candidates, they can take heart knowing that the money was spent somewhere else where it might do some good.

Note to Ops: 2026 is only 2 years from now.

E Pluribus Doom

With the big election in the rear view mirror, everybody suddenly finds themselves with nothing to do. Fret not, this is your perfect opportunity to sign up for the new LakeCountyEye MasterClass™.

This LakeCountyEye MasterClass™ will show you how to draw in the style of the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ ...

First retrieve an old copy of MAD Magazine from your vault.

Open the hilarious MAD Fold-In page:

Then fold it in:

And voila, you have for yourself an instant Creepy Tribune Cartoonist drawing:

Still Here

Fun fact: Ben Franklin thought the national bird should be a turkey. Franklin was clearly 250 years ahead of his time.

Who's Next?

There is only one or two hundred million dollars left between now and election day. And the one question on everyone's lips is: "Who will accurately predict who will win the presidential election?"

Prognostication, to be sure, is as much an art as a science. A good oracle will know all the polls, and have their finger on the pulse of the voters, and will be plugged into the Zeitgeist.

All of which explains why your LakeCountyEye asked the A.I. chatbot for the answers instead.

You won't have to stay up late, waiting for election results on Tuesday night. The chatbot has generated a deepfake video that anyone can watch right now:

FRAUD AT POLLS

Note to Ops: Rosebud.

The Electoral Collage

The election to end all elections is approaching. That day of reckoning will be arriving before you know it -- you cannot afford to procrastinate.

Of course your LakeCountyEye refers to the 2025 Illinois municipal election:

2025 Consolidated Election

The first day to file your 2025 nominating petitions is November 12; the last day is November 18. At stake will be Township, Municipal, Park District, Library District, School District, and Fire District seats.

In related news, it has been reported that there also will be a general election next week. Reliable sources say the election will be held on November 5. If so, please make some plans to vote.

Free Girls Basketball Clinic

Gurnee Park District
FREE Girls Basketball Clinic

County-Wide Early Voting Starting October 21

Lake County Clerk’s Office Announces County-Wide Early Voting
Starting October 21, 2024

Some Big Bucks

Perhaps in lockstep with Vladimir Putin, the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ doggedly pursues his war of attrition against the African black rhinoceros:

A New Way Forward

Does the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist™ harbor some secret animosity toward critically endangered African megafauna? Or is this just a manifestation of a bankrupt imagination with an infusion of some lazy cartooning?

For the record, the national debt increased nearly $8 trillion during the Trump years:

And the elephant is still an endangered species. Just sayin!