The Electoral Collage

The election to end all elections is approaching. That day of reckoning will be arriving before you know it -- you cannot afford to procrastinate.

Of course your LakeCountyEye refers to the 2025 Illinois municipal election:

2025 Consolidated Election

The first day to file your 2025 nominating petitions is November 12; the last day is November 18. At stake will be Township, Municipal, Park District, Library District, School District, and Fire District seats.

In related news, it has been reported that there also will be a general election next week. Reliable sources say the election will be held on November 5. If so, please make some plans to vote.

Free Girls Basketball Clinic

Gurnee Park District
FREE Girls Basketball Clinic

County-Wide Early Voting Starting October 21

Lake County Clerk’s Office Announces County-Wide Early Voting
Starting October 21, 2024

Some Big Bucks

Perhaps in lockstep with Vladimir Putin, the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ doggedly pursues his war of attrition against the African black rhinoceros:

A New Way Forward

Does the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist™ harbor some secret animosity toward critically endangered African megafauna? Or is this just a manifestation of a bankrupt imagination with an infusion of some lazy cartooning?

For the record, the national debt increased nearly $8 trillion during the Trump years:

And the elephant is still an endangered species. Just sayin!

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

An actual unretouched screencap from the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 fakenews source:

Confused? Well this may explain the funny numbers: The Lake County Gazette has also reported that 556 Lake County students failed the math portion of their SAT exams:

Making Up the Grade

There is good news. Of those 556 students, no fewer than 1140 have been accepted to law school.

Making Up the Grade

Boy oh boy, Lake County students are a bunch of knuckleheads. How unintelligent are they? Lake County students are so unintelligent they even fail their IQ tests!

Impossible you say? Because IQ tests (like, say, the SAT exam) measure aptitude, and concepts like pass and fail do not apply. Well, not according to the Lake County Gazette:

It goes without saying that the Lake County Gazette is Lake County's #1 fakenews source. All of the content in the Lake County Gazette comes direct from Russian troll farms, and delivered fresh to your table every day.

In America you take the SAT exam. In Russia, the SAT exam takes Ukraine!

Secret Organization

He may be yesterday's news, but the facts have not changed: Mark Robinson (the self-described black Nazi perv) had been invited to speak in Lake County by the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization:

Controversial North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson has pulled the plug on a much-criticized speaking appearance at a GOP fundraiser, according to the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization's website.
Robinson won't speak at local GOP event amid latest firestorm

And yet one disturbing question remains, still unanswered:

What could possibly be the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization?

Does anyone know? To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked the man-in-the-street:

"It's like one of those things you read about in The Onion."

Sally Kavity, Unemployed Suburban Mom

"Obviously not a scam PAC."

Shaw Marx, Malingerer

"Parlez-vous français?"

Brian Keith, Haitian Immigrant

 

They're unanimous -- nobody knows what the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization is.

Vox populi, vox Dei.

Next of Quinn

When Martin McLaughlin uses the words career politician he means them as an insult. This from McLaughlin's website ...

Who is Martin McLaughlin? McLaughlin is ... wait for it ... another career politician. This from McLaughlin's Wikipedia page:

Martin McLaughlin (politician)

Note to Ops: Someone who's been in politics as long as Martin McLaughlin is going to know all the tricks of the trade.

Office Copy

Note to Ops: Have you been moping and are all like ...

"It's late September and I really should be back at school my LakeCountyEye MasterClass™"?

If you have, well brood no longer. In this semester of the LakeCountyEye MasterClass™ you will learn how to draw in the style of the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™:

Go to the IMDb and download a still from the classic motion picture The Apartment:

Put some tracing paper over the image:

Trace the outline of a few desks, then add Jack Lemmon:

But Who's Counting?

And voila, anybody, even you, can be a political cartoonist!

Where have you gone, Mr Robinson?

Did you hear the one about the exhibitionist who was a no-show at the local GOP fundraiser? HaHa, hang up your raincoats, the GOP black Nazi perv guy will not be coming to Lake County:

Controversial North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson has pulled the plug on a much-criticized speaking appearance at a GOP fundraiser, according to the Tenth Congressional District Republican Organization's website.
Amid pushback, controversial nominee for NC governor Mark Robinson cancels appearance at North Shore GOP fundraiser

Tickets however for the fundraiser are still available, either stag or with a date:

It is not known if that is cash-only.

What's that you say, Mr Robinson?

Note to Ops: Pop open the lubricant. Here is your chance to rub elbows with the black Nazi guy:

Who is the black Nazi guy? He is also known as the slavery is good guy. Or as the Nude Africa guy. Or as the I just wanna see the sex tape guy.

Whoever he is, he will be headlining a fundraiser for some local GOP organizations. If you attend, don't neglect to pay some respect to your host, Mark Shaw Who is also known as the couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Pipe Down

A man with a banana in his ear walked into the Mundelein outdoor cannabis festival. Someone said "Excuse me, do you know there is a banana in your ear?" The man replied "What did you say?" Someone else said "Why is a banana in your ear?" The man replied "What?" Someone else said "There is a banana in your ear!" The man replied "I'm sorry, I can't hear you. The music is too loud."

HaHa, true story. Loud music from the Mundelein cannabis festival has resulted in complaints being lodged at city-hall:

The people who spoke about the concert during the public comment section of Monday's board meeting live in the Lakewood Village neighborhood near the dispensary. They primarily complained about noise, saying it went on late into the night.
Mundelein residents complain about concert at dispensary

To be sure, any open-air marijuana fest is going to make a stink with some neighbors. But when that stink is over the live music, then you have a problem. One showbiz insider suggests hiring (Lake County favorite son) Ted Nugent next year: "Sure, Ted Nugent is going to play loud, but nobody listens to him any more."

Run and Take the Money

Note to Ops, dust off your alms chests:

The nearly $72 million a Lake Forest billionaire and his wife have contributed to federal candidates and groups this election cycle is significantly greater than any other Illinoisans' donations, data from an independent research group shows. The total makes Republican benefactors Richard and Elizabeth Uihlein the nation's third-most prolific campaign donors
Who are the top federal campaign donors from Illinois?

Lake County moneybags Richard Uihlein has given $72,000,000 to Federal candidates. How much of that money will be spent in Lake County? None. That's because Lake County does not have any Federal Candidates. Well, no GOP Federal candidates to speak of.

$72 million (a ton of dough by anyone's estimation) would make for a nice down payment on someone's dream. In Lake County, ten of them at the very least:

10 Things $72,000,000 Will Get You in Lake County

86-ft doobie at the Mundelein cannabis fest. Hire a troll to guard the Long Grove bridge. Add a passing lane to the new Waukegan Airport runway. 1,440,000,000 nickel slot pulls at the Waukegan Casino. Two Words: Pickleball Palooza Binge-buy your way thru the ULINE catalog. Build that big border wall down Lake-Cook Rd. Bet it all on bitcoin. Some health insurance for your backyard chickens. Turn Lake County red.

Look for your LakeCountyEye at an ATM machine near you.

Bonfire & Brews

Bonfire & Brews: A Taste of Gurnee

Where's Waldo?

What is wrong with this picture?

Sharpeyed operatives will recognize a Lake County Gazette story. And they will recognize the picture of Martin McLaughlin. Except the picture is not Martin McLaughlin. No, that is a picture of a Peoria Park District Trustee. As in Peoria County, Illinois.

WTH? Everyone knows that the Lake County Gazette is Lake County's #1 fakenews source, where its stories are randomly generated by news-bots. And everyone knows that these random stories come illustrated with a picture of Lake County backbench state rep Martin McLaughlin. (Why? Because Lake County Gazette.)

This particular story is about who practices law in Lake County. While the guy in the picture, for all your Lake County Eye knows, has never been in Lake County.

A media spokesman for the media said: "OK, that's not Martin McLaughlin. But it is a picture of some middle-aged white guy. Who's going to know the difference?"