You're Gonna Need a Smaller Truck

If you have received your 2026 election ballot in the mail, then it has come to your attention that there is an election coming up. Who knew? Not your LakeCountyEye.

Think twice, however, before dropping that ballot in the mail. The Trump White House has ordered all US Postal Service trucks carrying mail-in ballots to drive under the Long Grove bridge; where they will be stuck until after the election.

HaHa, j/k. Of course, that doesn't mean there isn't somebody's truck stuck under the Long Grove bridge, at this very moment:

The Long Grove covered bridge remains a magnet for box-truck drivers
The hits keep coming: Long Grove bridge struck for 77th time since 2020

A spokesman for the US Dept of Transportation said: "With gas over 5 bucks a gallon, a person could do worst than being stuck under the Long Grove bridge."

The Great Boo Quest

Gurnee Park District: The Great Boo Quest

Hire Ed

You go to school to learn the three Rs. But if one of those Rs is School Referendum, you go to EO Sullivan Consulting.

Lake County GOP favorite son EO Sullivan is in the news. Rightwing grassroots astroturf pressure group Americans for Prosperity-Illinois filed an ethics complaint against Northwest Suburban High School District 214 ...

questioning the district's use of public resources for alleged referendum polling, voter surveying and campaign-related activity, as well as its contract with firm EO Sullivan Consulting.
Ethics probe clears District 214 for pre-referendum polling, but critic calls it 'unwritten loophole'

Were the EO Sullivan Consulting phone surveys conducted for the school district a violation of the state ethics act? A law firm hired by the school district to review the complaint says no. Nevertheless, Americans for Prosperity-Illinois do not desire to be made monkeys of. And have escalated their complaint to ...

further review by Cook County State's Attorney Eileen O'Neill Burke and a formal opinion from Illinois Attorney General Kwame Raoul.
Ethics probe clears District 214 for pre-referendum polling, but critic calls it 'unwritten loophole'

One political scientist told your LakeCountyEye: "I don't know why they went to all the trouble with filing an ethics complaint, just to stop a school referendum. The White House is going to send federal agents to all of the polling places, anyways. To arrest anyone who tries to vote in November."

Double Trouble

Has the cost of gasoline made it too expensive even to drive the kids to soccer practice? The US Dept of Transportation has some helpful advice for you: Take the train instead.

HaHa. Gas and diesel prices are at record highs. So high, it is now too expensive to transport oil by rail behind a diesel locomotive.

HaHa, j/k. There are plenty of oil cars moving in and out of Lake County. And there may be plenty more to come. It is believed that Canadian National Railway wants to build a second track in Lake County:

rail experts say, this second track could mean dozens of additional Canadian National and Union Pacific freight trains rolling each day
From the Chicago suburbs to short line railroad companies, proposed merger heightens concerns

One industry spokesman said: "We absolutely need to double-track the lines. What happens when an oil car explodes? Then how are we supposed to move the freight without an extra track?"

Fall Movie Night in the Park (FREE)

Fall Movie Night in the Park (FREE)

Where in the Hill?

Is Martin McLaughlin taken? One would assume not, judging by the number of ladies who are lined up to espouse him.

Perfunctory GOP State Rep Martin McLaughlin got the support of some women in leadership:

Of course, don't go looking in Lake County for any Republicans in leadership, because these are scarcer than free-range roosters on a Chick-fil-A menu. Worse yet, GOP women leaders are scarcer than hen's teeth. Consequently, McLaughlin's leader-board is filled with a handful of Village Presidents, plus a State's Attorney, a Village Trustee, a Township Trustee, a former Village President, a former Village Trustee, a Township GOP President, and a business owner.

Despite McLaughlin being in the Illinois legislature, you don't see are any State Reps or Senators here. In particular, no State Senator Darby Hills. Someone who would absolutely qualify as a woman in leadership. If Martin McLaughlin's women in leadership were a club, that would be the elephant in the room.

2026 Bonfire & Brews: A Taste of Gurnee

Bonfire & Brews: A Taste of Gurnee (21+)

The Ballot's in the Mail

It has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that there will be an election in November. Who knew? At any rate, your LakeCountyEye will be faithfully waiting at the door for the mail-in ballot to arrive. What can go wrong?

HaHa. Will certified US President Donald J Trump order his servants at the US Post Office to steal your vote? As luck would have it, there is an easy workaround:

This year, Lake County voters will be able to take their mail-in ballots to any of the more than 90 polling places on Election Day and use the drop box inside.
Affordability is key as Lake election races enter stretch run: 'We may have a higher turnout than usual'

Why tempt fate?

In related news, shoppers are advised to get their lists for Santa Claus into the mail early this year. Before Santa is seized and sent to an ICE detention facility.

A Riddle Wrapped in a Mystery Inside an Enigma

Can you spot the difference?

These 2 nearly identical stories were posted 5 days apart in the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 fakenews source. The only significant difference is the bylines:

Who are IK Williams and DL Darling? One thing is certain, if you wanted to make up some fakenames for your fakenewsbots you couldn't do better. And as everybody knows, the content you read in the Lake County Gazette is 100% outsourced to newsbots AI-trained at Russian troll farms.

One cybersecurity expert had this to say: "Ordinarily bots are trained to steal other people's content. But the Gazette's bot is stealing its content from the Gazette. I'll bet they do it to save on legal costs. If there's a lawsuit, they only need to hire one set of lawyers."

Meet the Flockers

Nietzsche said: "When you stare into the abyss, a Flock camera stares back at you."

HaHa. Reliably photogenic Lake County is uncharacteristically camera-shy when it comes to Flock surveillance cameras. Local advocates are organizing against the automated license plate readers (ALPR):

DeFlock Lake County, a newly created branch of a national campaign against one of the more well-known ALPR companies, has held informational and training events encouraging residents to push back against the technology.
As Illinois debates rules for license plate readers, resistance grows in Lake County

One thing is certain, the ALPR cameras are not going away any time soon.

In related news, filmmaking is big business in Illinois. And the demand to film in photogenic Long Grove is so great that the Village is ...

discussing amending the village's code to insert guidelines on commercial filming/photography. The proposed ordinance would establish fees of $250 per day for small productions with 10 people or fewer, $500 per day for medium productions with between 11 and 30 people, and $1,000 per day for large productions with greater than 30 people.
Cinematic sprawl: Suburbs putting guardrails around filmmaking activities

One industry insider said: "Anyone on a tight budget who wants to shoot a movie here should stage their scenes in front of the Flock cameras. The cameras are everywhere and you can get any angle you need. Then just FOIA the camera company for the footage. You're guaranteed to save a ton on production costs."

Happy Birth Anniversary to You

An actual unretouched screencap from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

What's a Birth Anniversary? Nobody knows.

Actually, everybody knows. If this is the Lake County Gazette then the content you see has been generated by AI newsbots trained at Russian Troll Farms. And Birth Anniversary is how you say Birthday in Russian:

birthday = день рождения

Case closed!

Colonel Mustard in the US House with a Pipe Dream

An actual unretouched screencap from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

Pictured is Robert W Churchill, a former Majority Leader of the Illinois House of Representatives. For the record, Churchill was never in the US Congress.

Who writes these stories? Nobody knows. What everyone knows is the Lake County Gazette gets its content from AI newsbots trained at Russian Troll Farms.

But according to the byline shown here, the author is I K Williams:

Who is I K Williams? Nobody knows. Luckily there is one cutting-edge data tool, available to all, that can sift through the clues and find the answers to many of mankind's most puzzling mysteries. Your LakeCountyEye, of course, refers to the Internet Anagram Server:

I K Williams anagrams into AI WILL SKIM. Case closed!

Inside Ulinebacker

Lake County megadonors Elizabeth and Richard Uihlein donated $35 million to the Northwestern University football program. Typically when this sort of thing happens, there is one thing that is always overheard: "Give me a quarter back."

HaHa. The Uihleins are in the news again:

Northwestern's football program will receive a $35 million gift commitment from the family of Liz and Dick Uihlein, the billionaire owners of Uline supply company
Uihlein family giving $35M to NU football

Even in Wisconsin, $35M is a lot of cheese. But don't go running to your sportsbook just quite yet. The Uihleins are better known for giving dollars to right-wing candidates and PACs:

Liz and Dick Uihlein, residents of Lake Forest, are prominent Republican-party mega donors, having heavily supported GOP campaigns in the past decade, including nearly $59 million to support President Donald Trump's reelection in 2024 and $70 million this election cycle to conservative efforts, including anti-abortion and anti-LGBTQ+ groups
Uihlein family giving $35M to NU football

One exception is the Lake County Republican Party, to whom the Uihleins have over the years given scant little. The last donation the Uihleins made to the Lake County GOP was in 2024, and amounted to a miserly $1050.

The Lake County GOP nonetheless is undeterred. One spokesman has a message for every Northwestern U football player: "Unlike Evanston, Lake County has plenty of affordable housing. And while you're here, vote for our candidates. And send them a donation too. Make the check out to the Lake County Republican Central Committee."

Quarterback Sneak

Put on your thinking caps, today's quiz is taken from the Texas Tech college entrance exam:

Q: What did the football coach say to the vending machine?

A: Give me my quarterback.

HaHa. This Chicago Tribune headline story is also about a quarterback:

But this quarterback is a "Springfield labor quarterback":

What's a "Springfield labor quarterback"? Nobody knows.

Surely this would be an example of an AI hallucination. To find out -- and being no different than any other media outlet owned by a Fortune500 Conglomerate -- your LakeCountyEye of course outsourced the investigation to AI:

Your AI overlords have obviously been trained in the art of circling the wagons.

Your LakeCountyEye has yet to hear a response.

Don't Drink the Water and Don't Eat the Food

Are your greens making you green? The Lake County Health Dept warns you to stay away from green vegetation.

The culprit clearly is the recent outbreak of cyclospora and salmonella. Or is it? Actually no. What you now need to steer clear of are toxic algae blooms:

'When in doubt, stay out': Experts warn about potential toxic algal blooms in local waters

Toxic algae blooms are nothing to sneeze at:

The Illinois Environmental Protection Agency says that the toxins can also cause rashes, lung irritations, digestive problems, headaches, lethargy and elevated liver enzymes in humans.
'When in doubt, stay out': Experts warn about potential toxic algal blooms in local waters

And the toxic algae has been spreading like wildflowers:

Reflecting Pool algae bloom is one of biggest recorded in years after $14M renovation

So just why did DOGE fire all of those CDC scientists and FDA inspectors last year? A spokesman for the Trump Whitehouse said: "If we want to make America healthy again, we're first going to need to make America very sick again."